FREAK FEAR

I am struggling to write something because I am not confident enough that my thought and views are worth to be read by anyone, especially in this platform since I do not have some amazing experience that I can say will touch someone’s soul.

Ohk, I am not sure I will publish this post but If I do I want it to remind me of the day I did not feel worth of sharing my experience. Oh by the way English is not my first language, Xhosa is, ’South African’. But I managed to find a way to Africa number 1 and world class university, University of Cape Town. I want to own my story but I do not want people to feel sorry for me. I have survived, thanks to God and my mom, She did her work exceptional, I am at university fighting for a better life. Oh, sorry I forgot to say I grew up in informal settlement.

My writing breaks a lot of writing rules, well I did it on purpose if so. This does not make sense. Why am I wasting my time writing this post. I should just close the browse and go outside it won’t make a difference at all. Well, I will tell you what I discovered that makes me continue to write this post. its not interesting at all but I will tell. First I struggling to articulate my thoughts, I think in my home language and then translate into English, tough life.

Ohk, so after failing some modules, actually 3 module at varsity in my 2nd year, 2015, I was depressed and thought that after I have worked so hard to be at university how could I do that. It was hard so I had to listen to a lot of motivation and started reading many blogs in search of my passion, purpose and happiness, haven’t got them yet. I wish you were in my mind so that you can understand the thought that are bouncing to be written on this post and this just depresses me and I don’t know what to write and what not to write. I am not publishing this post. I mean people publish clearly thought out work and interesting.

Ohk, I do not know what to write anymore but I think I have a lot to offer. Maybe I should take baby steps. Any suggestion about were can I learn to write a social post. I know how to write a formal writing like my Economics essays. Do I have to proofread this post, or reference. Where is the introduction, body and conclusion. How about citation. Maybe I should stop, forgive me if you have reached this point and I wasted your time.

Truth about me, big dreams, I want to co-found a group or holding company, I am studying (Economics and Finance) not to work for someone but myself, why? Because I don’t want to prove myself, I have been proving myself all the time I am tired now. I am good enough for myself and customers care about the product and how it interact with their lives. oh, I am a hard work and a very dedicated person. Just that I feel like I need to be the driver of my life and I want to make the decisions myself. I feel like working on weekends and taking Monday morning off and I should do so with out asking and begging someone’s permission. Also, I want my work to be a work of art. I am driven by the heart and fueled by the spirit.

So business brings out a fierce spirit in my soul. I know it’s not easy, but as someone who lives in Africa when others see problems to me it’s business opportunities. Well to build a legacy and a company takes a lifetime and I am willing to do so as long as I have food and love.

I wish to edit this post but if I do so I will not publish it. I still need to get rid of the fear of not being good enough. Cheers thanks for reading. Oh by the way I don’t know how the title align with the article, but I had to write something. I want all my writing to be free style but society has made it a rule to confirm to the standard way of doing things, which I HATE. Now I am getting lost or too much. Forgot to share my interests… technology, Data analysis, strategies that are crazy and break norms, web application, marketing, Innovative finance and doing the opposite things as long as I don’t die. Much love.