Mr. Lonely


As the first semester of my collegiate experience is coming to a close, many aspects of my once “normal” life have become anything but normal. Transitioning away from familiarity has always had its rough edges. Many first year students, such as myself, face similar challenges in their first days, weeks, and months of near true independence. The tribulations of freedom, organization, responsibility, self care, and management have plagued first year students for as long as “First Day Move In’s” have existed. But one of the most challenging adjustments in my life — one that I had very little fear of before college — is loneliness.
Throughout my childhood, I never felt the need to put forth any effort into creating lasting friendships. I was naturally given enough social skills to make friends with little to no thinking. My comfort around others has led me to a love for conversation with just about anyone. I have been blessed with my comfort around others, and thoroughly enjoy talking to strangers and meeting new people. The perfect anecdote to describe my personality comes from one of the fondest memories I have of childhood. When I was little, my mom would occasionally bring me to the mall with her for the afternoon. She would shop, we would eat, and then I got to play. And god damnit, I loved to play. When we arrived to the small, indoor playground, I would immediately claim my “best friends”. These would be the kids that I would play with for the next 45 minutes. I dreaded leaving, because it always meant saying goodbye to my newly found, and short lived best friends. So far, my college experience has been the furthest thing from the playground at the mall.

How could that little boy from the story ever find himself feeling lonely? It seems as if loneliness has slowly begun to consume my early adult life. At a university with nearly 35,000 other 18–23 year old kids having the time of their lives, how could loneliness ever be an issue? Over time, I have realized that the “college party scene” thirst trap that we all see on Instagram is merely an illusion. This place can be literal hell for kids like me who have never dealt with loneliness before. High school friends begin to disappear, schedules are constantly conflicting, and of course, we are always tired. It’s been really, really hard to find the time, and effort, to be social. I have found myself feeling lost, even depressed, at this sudden wave of loneliness that is my life.
But, maybe what I’m living through isn’t such a bad thing after all? College is one of the most dramatic and sudden changes that life has to offer. I have realized that so far, half the battle is understanding the fact that everything is going to shit, and the other half is just figuring out how to put yourself together again. Every phase of your life presents some sort of challenge, or challenges, that break you. As hellish as that sounds, it’s up to YOU to decide where you can go from there. With this new loneliness I’ve been experiencing, I’ve learned a lot about myself in ways I could have never imagined. Being forced to get off my ass, put a smile on my face, and deal with my new life is something I’ve needed; something that will greatly benefit me in the long run. I can’t necessarily say that my college career so far has been great. But I can say that I’m learning about myself, and growing more and more every single day. Bring it on, second semester.