Need A Quarantine Workout? Try the Rocky IV Method
COVID-19 has locked down a good portion of the United States, and the world, and with good reason. With gyms closed and people stuck inside under quarantine, we all need a good way to blow off some steam and stay fit. While I’ve seen a lot of home workout routines posted online, there’s one classic that has been largely ignored. Sure, Sterling K. Brown looks great in This Is Us. And yeah, I’ll admit, Instagram influencers can wear the hell out of a pair of yoga pants. But did any of their workout routines prepare them to END THE COLD WAR? I didn’t think so. The perfect workout for a time like this, the OG quarantine workout, is of course Rocky Balboa’s training regiment in Rocky IV. It’s simple, done in isolation, with things found around the house. And hey, he even involves his roommates, if you happen to be quarantined with others. So, without further ado, let’s dive in.
Author’s note: I find it important to mention that I fully believed Rocky IV was based on true events the first time I saw it. I thought the fight between Rocky and Drago was a milestone athletic event, like the Miracle on Ice. I saw it around the same time Disney was cranking out Remember the Titans and Miracle, so in my little kid brain, it all made sense. I didn’t believe it for long, but boy was I disappointed when I found out the truth.
Exercise #1: Running
Equipment needed: None (or a mountain if you’re ambitious)
This is an easy one. To start your workout off right, go for a quick jog. Distance? Whatever makes you happy. Rocky runs what appears to be an ass-ton of miles, but I think you can go at your own discretion. I know a lot of you don’t like running in the cold, but if the streets are clear, look what Rocky did! Just make sure you practice good social distancing, and stay at least six feet away from other runners. And, if you think you’re going to help a neighbor pull their horse-drawn carriage out of the snow, be sure to wear gloves, and wash your hands afterwards! Don’t touch your face! (I know Rocky climbs a whole-ass mountain at the end of this, but if you can’t find one of those, any incline should work.)
Exercise #2: Speed bag
Equipment Needed: Speed bag, hand wraps
This may be one on the list that most readers have to skip. It’s great to get the arms going and the heart rate pumping, but it does require a little extra home gym equipment. If you already have some boxing equipment set up? Great. If not, maybe just do some arm circles like in gym class and then move right along.
Exercise #3: Sawing Firewood
Equipment Needed: Large saw, big logs, table
Time to really get the upper body involved. This one is fun, because it kills two birds with one stone: You get some absolutely MASSIVE traps, and you can keep your family warm all winter. Be sure to alternate grips so you don’t build up too much on one side. That could lead to injury due to overcompensation. Also, get your legs involved. This all starts with a strong base. Again, you may risk a back injury if you try to strain too much on your upper body. (And this goes without saying, but please, BE CAREFUL WITH THE SAW. Not a good time to cut off a finger.)
Exercise #4: Throwing Rocks
Equipment Needed: Large Rocks
This is as easy as it sounds, and it gets your whole body involved. LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS, people! And adjust the size of the rocks to fit your needs! You wouldn’t just show up to the gym and lift the heaviest dumbbells possible, right? For a little extra “umph,” really try getting a good abdominal twist in before tossing the rocks aside. Again, alternate sides for an even, toned core. Beach bod, here we come!
(I guess if you can’t find rocks, you could use a medicine ball. But who has those just lying around?)
Exercise #5: Sled Pull
Equipment Needed: Sled, Roommate
Time for some resistance training! Get your roommate off the couch and get to work! This exercise is like a good old fashioned mountain climber, but with a twist. The extra weight from your co-quarantiner provides just enough resistance to really make you feel the burn. You’ll be shedding fat and building muscle in no time! Plus, if you’re pushing hard enough, this is a great cardio workout, too. And before you complain about this one being too hard — Rocky was doing this in the snow.
Exercise #6: Pull-Ups
Equipment Needed: Pull-up Bar
Ok, so this one is pretty straightforward and boring. Unless you’re using a piece of driftwood precariously dangling from the ceiling. Then, it’s pretty badass. Either way, this doesn’t need much explanation, but will have your back and arms looking shredded in no time.
Exercise #7: Log Carry
Equipment Needed: Large Log
You can knock this exercise out while taking a walk around the neighborhood with your roommates, or just by yourself. Your neighbors will stop and stare and say: “Who’s that hot guy/gal with the huge log?” (Again, be sure to use your whole body for this one to avoid straining your neck.)
Exercise #8: Shadowboxing
Equipment Needed: None
Nice, no equipment needed! Set a timer, and imagine your enemy standing in front of you. Then punch away! Great cardio, and a great way to dynamically rest between sets.
Exercise #9: Lumberjacking
Equipment Needed: Axe, Tree, Seeds
Before attempting this exercise, make sure to check out any local ordinances regarding chopping down trees. It’s different everywhere. I don’t think there were many restrictions in the middle of Siberia. And, if you do cut down a tree, make sure you plant a new one!
Exercise #10: Jumping Rope
Equipment Needed: Jumprope
Bring back the cardio! You know how to jump rope. I don’t need to explain it to you. This will be great to build up your stamina, quickness and explosiveness. Make sure you don’t whip yourself while you try and go as fast as Rocky does!
Exercise #11: Sit-ups
Equipment Needed: Partner, loft (preferably)
Let’s target those abs! For those of you that live without a loft in your home, go ahead and do these on flat ground. You could also improvise with a bed or other raised surface. If you do have a loft, quit complaining about being quarantined. Your life sounds sick.
Exercise #12: Chopping Wood
Equipment Needed: Axe, firewood
Time to bring back that wood you were sawing earlier! Now it’s time to break it down even further. Again, this is a great exercise to get the whole upper body involved, but be careful doing this one indoors. Your biceps, triceps and deltoids (right?) will be feeling the burn after this one!
Exercise #13: Glovework
Equipment Needed: Boxing gloves, pads
Lucky number thirteen! Again, if you aren’t already a boxer, you might not have this equipment lying around. But if you do, it’s great prep for the coming apocalypse. Really fine-tune your technique for any potential brawls over toilet paper! Keep your hands up, and don’t forget to keep your elbow up on those hook punches! (Author’s Note: Bas Rutten has some great recorded boxing rounds if that’s something you’re into.)
Exercise #14: Rock Pull (?)
Equipment Needed: Large bag of rocks, rope, pulley system
Minimal assembly required for this exercise! But who needs a lat pulldown machine when you can just lift a huge sack of rocks? Hopefully you saved the large rocks from your earlier set, because they’re gonna come in handy again! Make sure you set a solid base, and really twist into this one. And for those of you with soft hands, a pair of gloves will save you from ugly blisters.
Exercise #15: Cooler Lower Ab Lift Thing
Equipment Needed: Workout bench, shredded abs
You can probably get away without a bench for this one, but I don’t know if this exercise is possible without already having abs. But you can try! 90% of this is mental. No pain! No pain!
Exercise #16: Bob & Weave
Equipment Needed: Rope
Find two places to tie up a rope across your living room, and boom, you’re ready to rock. Bob and weave under the rope, and fire off some punches to get the heart rate going. You’ll start to feel it in the legs on this one, but don’t get sloppy!
Exercise #17: Yoke Twist
Equipment Needed: Yoke
Time to get yoked! Sorry, I couldn’t resist! If you have a yoke lying around your home, I’m confused, but good for you I guess? Just try to find a rectangular object with some heft to it for this one. Suitcase full of books? Strange side-table that can fit exactly one glass of wine on it? Or that same giant log you used earlier! I don’t know, either get creative, or skip this one.
Exercise #18: Rickshaw Lift
Equipment Needed: Rickshaw, or rickshaw-adjacent device
This one can get all the roommates involved! Who needs a deadlift, right? Pile everyone onto a rickshaw/couch/chair and get to lifting! Lift with your legs. Don’t hurt your back. Maybe take some steroids before this one. IDK, it looks pretty tough. And try not to shit yourself while doing it — I think Rocky came pretty close.
And that’s it, that completes your super easy quarantine workout! Some helpful tips I’ve found:
- Know your limits!
- Build up slowly
- Hang up a picture of your enemy to inspire you while you train
So, have fun, be safe, and stay healthy!
(Author’s Note: I take no responsibility for any injuries that occur while trying to imitate a jacked up Sylvester Stallone preparing to fight a boxer designed in a Soviet lab.)
