What the hell am I missing?
Where the hell are all the great senior software developers and hands-on engineering directors?

Short story. Your did not show that you needed me. You need some off-the-belt gear that “could do TDD, Scrum, Ritual Sacrifices and other Ceremonies”. Where is the talent in that description? You are looking for the robot.

You are doing things in a wrong order. First you hire strong programmers. Then you build a process for that particular team. It will be different (slightly or highly), but this is the only way to get good things done. And good leaders know that! they build around people. They don’t try to fit stars into an existing process. If you could not adapt — you are not ready for good developers. Period.

More on the topic of developer motivation (yes, that’s why they don’t look for your company), leadership in software teams (at least, my personal view, other leaders may have other approaches) is in my response here: https://medium.com/@maxkar/why-senior-developers-don-t-like-agile-7177ae759ff3#.kbglt0m97 Sorry for the length, originally was intended to go inline but turned to be a long answer.

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