Hanging on…

Not knowing is a very tricky situation especially when you have a short time to come up with a certain output. Therefore, you have to equip yourself with all the knowledge you can seek and find in order to deliver.

“How is the boot camp so far?”

Well, in simple terms I can use, the word ‘interesting’ and by that I mean very involving. Actually, I am disappointed for not being able to deliver certain codes and outputs. Needless to say, I hit a big boulder. I consulted fellow group members on particular areas that were challenging on my part and I can say that; yesterday was very asking of me.

My nights grow shorter and my days are the shortest. My eyes are bloodshot, my body exhausted, my mind overwhelmed and my appetite forgot its purpose thus eating becomes null and void. Coffee, my sweet drug, has been all that I fully depend on.

Lots of things have happened in the past few days but I am not giving up hope that there will be light at the end of this really dark tunnel. Where there are many obstacles means that you are heading somewhere or heading nowhere at all. I do believe in the former but the latter cannot be left unspoken. I love the boot camp curriculum but it has a rather funny way of reciprocating those feelings. The outcomes are very demanding and I have to come through on my part since the facilitators and everyone in the team have actually given us all that we need; it is our responsibility to convert that to viable output.

I am certain that I am not the only one who has trouble waking up after consistent exhaustion. I am up by 0600 hrs and asleep by 0100 hrs. Yes, very short or long depending on what you are engaged in all day but in my point of view, that time span is very demanding of me and I will indeed come through on my end with due diligence. I am trying and putting the much needed effort but that is definitely not enough since during assessment of work done, there is no criteria followed for awarding effort.

Concentration is an art whereby, it solely focuses on not only what you are engaged in but also focuses on the quality of output and by the time you realise that as you were catching up with on one end of the line the other end was most likely than not veering off the track but that will be too late. Therefore the solution is through multitasking. I personally have to be truthful to myself and as much as I can multitask and manage several tasks at the same time, some have to take a toll. In my perspective, it is my social networks of life long friends. As much as they understand, I cannot help but feel an ounce of guilt creeping upon me for not being able to even say a simple ‘hello’. Nevertheless, what is done is done and can never be undone. In simple terms, I got myself here through hard work and striving to be my ultimate best therefore, I have to pull myself through it.

Currently I am just thinking on how I am going to write some codes right now since it’s 8 am. I have some emotional moments whereby when I am about to hit rock bottom, I start to tear up but hold all back and adjust my focus and drive and ask myself the question, “Am I going to do it or not?”, and if it is yes my expectation is adjusted to be anything and everything.

It has been a long couple of days that are growing longer with every daily expectation. When a cat is pushed to a wall or locked in a room, its life is threatened and it will do everything it can possibly do to counter the threat posed. That is my simple metaphor to mean that I will do anything and everything I can possibly do in order to come through in the end. Going far in a task is the easiest part, the hard part is coming through in the end.