I came clean about diversity at my company

I’m 1:1 black women in my company’s tech department. Yes, this did affect my work.

If you are at all plugged into the internet, then you should know diversity is a big problem in the tech industry. While finishing college (Woo! — Class of 2015 #wemadeit) and applying to UX positions, I was hyper aware of the white sea that awaited. However, I was not prepared for the emotional toll it would take on me.

I graduated from a top tier PWI (predominantly white institution) where the vast majority of my classes were filled with white faces and a speckle of brown. This wasn’t new to me given that all of my Advanced Placement courses in high school held this same pattern. Eager to enter the booming tech industry as a young black UX designer, I pushed aside the many warning signs — assuming that excelling in the tech industry would be no different than being the only black girl in AP Calc. I was wrong.

Let the record reflect that I absolutely LOVE my job. Every day I am challenged and given responsibility I never thought I would receive as a young designer. However, I am one out of the two black folks in my company’s ~50 person tech department. Even worse, I am the only black woman. I predicted this might be the case when I interviewed, given that all the interviewers were white males. But the job was amazing and, generally speaking, the company culture was (and is) really awesome.

It happened gradually. I would call my mom every day after work worried that I wasn’t living up to what my boss expected of me, or frustrated that I wasn’t communicating my work well. I attributed my feelings to a heavy case of imposter syndrome, due to the fact that this was my first real job in the “real world.” About a month or so later, my brain finally caught up to what my intuition was telling me — it sucked being the only black woman.

I first attempted to bury this realization and just focus on my work. Unfortunately, my frustrations with being the lone duck and resisting the subtle boys club attitudes often left me emotionally exhausted and distracted. Let’s fast forward a few months to when it began to change for the better.

Along with immense self-reflection, a new-year-new-me attitude, and few one-on-one conversations with some of my colleagues, an amazing opportunity fell into my lap; the opportunity to come clean about how I felt about my department’s lack of diversity. I had stayed silent about my feelings up until this point out of fear of pissing off my colleagues or boss and harming my career. This week I was pulled aside by a respected director (and someone I always looked up to) to chat about a personal favor. The conversation somehow led to what it means to be a woman in tech and specifically what it means at our company (there are only 9 of us ladies).

We spoke for almost an hour about micro-aggressions women feel that aren’t always obvious to men. As the conversation seemed to come to an end, my heart started racing. This director made me feel comfortable enough to talk about being a woman, but I really needed to talk about being Black too. So I did it. I spilled everything. I was honest about how being the one black woman made me feel. I even asked the tough questions about what our company cares to do about it, or do we even care?

I left the conversation with the okay to start talking about diversity and a stack of strategies to help me begin this new journey. The tech industry is constantly reiterating that those who are successful don’t ask for permission. It wasn’t that I needed “permission” to talk about being Black, but what I did need was support and an ally from an influential leader at my company — especially one who’s a white male. As a minority, you’re use to performing twice as good, only to receive a portion of what your white male counterparts receive. Frankly, I wasn’t willing to lose all that I had worked for just to express my feelings about diversity (this is a bigger problem for another day). Simply having someone on “the other side” verbalize their support for me and listen to my experience was all I needed to start pushing for change.

Yesterday, I organized a BYOL luncheon with a few other women to chat about diversity at our company. We’ll be starting a women’s organization within our company as a first step toward making our workplace stronger (super exciting!). Lately, I’ve felt more productive than ever and the work I’m producing is arguably better. I can’t attribute all of these feelings to the new diversity conversations, but those conversations are definitely playing a huge role in allowing me to feel confident and unapologetically black at my company.

What are your thoughts on diversity in tech? I’d love to hear about your experiences.