The Dreams I Wanted To Become A Reality
In 2017, I was a happy teenager, brimming with dreams and always motivated, ready to tackle any obstacle. I smiled all day, played cricket with friends, and enjoyed a normal teenage life. But in April 2017, everything fell apart when my Grandfather, the only support I ever had, passed away.
To be honest, I’m not crying over the responsibility I have to accept after his death. This post is about the mistakes I made in those years. So if anyone ever finds themselves in this situation, they have something to look for.
What I wanted to be
When I was 10, I wanted to be a software engineer. I am not gonna lie at the age of 10 I didn’t even know what a software engineer does or what it is. My mother used to read novels and in some novels, there was a main character who was a software engineer, so she told me you are going to be a software engineer and I asked what they do, she replied, “Something with computers”.
From there my interest in computers started and my late Grandfather bought me one when I was in 7th grade. I chose computer science as my main subject in Intermediate and secured good marks. The next step was to enroll in B.s computer science. I spent 1 year preparing for the entry test and everything went smoothly except my biggest supporter was not there.
Highlights of 2018–2019
In 2018, I started studying at SMI University. Balancing my studies with everything else was tough. Money was tight, and my grades in the first semester weren’t great. But I kept pushing myself, thinking I’d figure things out.
To pay for the second semester, I borrowed money without a plan to pay it back. Stressing about the debt made it hard to focus on studying.
After the exams, I had to drop out because I couldn’t afford the fees for the next semester. It hurt because I’d always wanted to study computer science. It was my dream.
Looking back, I see where I went wrong. Instead of dropping out, I could’ve taken a cheaper course to learn new skills and find a job. But instead, I wasted time reading books and even tried teaching, which wasn’t a smart move. I should’ve used free resources like YouTube or written book reviews.
Lockdown Story and Lost Opportunities
Back in 2020, my financial situation was looking pretty good. So, I decided to enroll in a three-year software development diploma program. I was feeling on top of the world — happy, motivated, and full of dreams. With money to cover my fees, a steady job, and trustworthy friends by my side, what could go wrong, right? But then, out of nowhere, COVID-19 hit, and suddenly, everyone was confined to their homes, myself included.
With no job and still enrolled in classes, I had no choice but to freeze the semester — meaning, no classes, no fees. And there I was, stuck in a loop once again. The lockdown lasted for about a year and a half, and what did I do with all that time? Absolutely nothing productive. I spent endless hours binge-watching series, movies, and documentaries, and losing myself in video games. Looking back, I realize I wasted a golden opportunity. I could’ve started a YouTube channel, sharing gaming videos, but instead, I chose to call myself an idiot for squandering the chance.
Once the lockdown lifted, I went back to my job and resumed my classes. The first semester went incredibly well — I even managed to secure some impressive grades. I became proficient as a front-end developer, and that’s where my passion lies. I began searching for jobs, but interview after interview turned into a disaster, leaving me battered and bruised. Rejection after rejection took a toll on my mental health, and just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I found myself rejected in love too. It’s a whole other story, but it added to the weight on my shoulders.
Then came 2022 — a year that proved to be a tough one for Pakistan. Prices soared, and it became increasingly difficult to make ends meet. My income simply wasn’t enough to cover all the household expenses. It was a breaking point. I made the difficult decision to drop out of the diploma program and looking back, it’s clear that 2022 was a depressing year for me, all because of the choices I made.
Journey of 2023: maybe_anidiot was Born
Then arrived the year 2023, New Year’s Eve I resolved that I would start an Instagram account where I would post my writing stuff and name the account “maybe_anidiot”. I started posting stuff on it although it’s been a year and I just managed to gain 76 followers which is a shame but I am not giving up on this account. In June 2023 my friend asked me to join him in his freelance work and I said hell yeah.
He was working on a project and wanted to expand it more. I joined with so much passion and motivation for work and to do things better, again full of dreams and hope I went to it. But guess what as soon I started working with him the project he was working on got canceled. We tried to get a new client but had no luck. As I said we started it with a lot of hope, so besides freelancing we decided to do Shopify drop shipping without any knowledge or research we jumped at it.
Everything was going smoothly until we reached to Shopify payment gateway, that night we discovered that there was no payment gateway available for Pakistani drop shippers.
Another disappointment.
The rest of 2023 went into depression, stress, and anxiety. I didn’t do anything for the rest of the year I had ideas in my mind but in my mind, it was like “It’s going to be a failure”. I assumed the result without even starting the actual work.
2024: Regrets, Dreams, Hopes, and Surprises
Looking back at everything, I realize it was a mistake to give up. I should’ve found another way forward or used my time more wisely. Feeling like I couldn’t become a software engineer because of money and family issues made me sad. It was my dream, and seeing it slip away made me lose hope in everything else too. It felt like every time I cared about something, I ended up losing it.
But here I am in 2024, feeling hopeful again. Let’s see what surprises life has in store for me this time.
