Birthday Resolutions (to edit)
Finally, I have now the time I needed to write and to contemplate about my life.
I have accomplished my 15th year of existence and I am so proud to say I am still a thrash. My life still does not have directions and end goals. Why my parents did not prepare any instructions and plans so I am not worrying anymore what will happen to me after n years.
This year is the worst and it is getting more worse day by day, the moment I open my eyes in the morning I am fated to be unfortunate. Curse will be my middle name and eventually will become me. Life is genuinely miserable and I cannot believe I am still breathing and gasping or in short, I cannot believe I survived.
My past year was really pointless, I do not see any significance in this existence since the goal of living according to society is to influence people around you and I have failed to do the latter and I believe I cannot do it. I am not good and I have no awe worthy, extravagant, interesting life to serve to these people I know or who knows me to make them inspired or to persuade them to change their perception.
I have buried my enthusiasm about life 50 feet under. The only thrill in my life as of now is Red Velvet’s comeback. My grade 10 self is so idealist and I take problems back then positively and if I was running for Pope’s position. Puberty does sucks, produces emotions and feelings so we can realize we are not enough for this world.
I have entered a new chapter of my life since I transferred schools so I met new set of people. I can not process up to this moment what all I have experienced in this new journey, there are plenty of them but I will only serve you the highlights.
I have experienced staying awake for 48+ hours which I have not imagined I am capable of, credits to our subject teachers who want us to die young and to isolate ourselves from fun. I also experienced to feel become the dumbest among the people in our class. I experienced to cheat our quiz papers which is I am regretful. I did message someone I admire and I was the one who insisted our conversation, the toughest decision I have done this year but all the nervousness paid off.
These experiences made me to conclude things such as I am dumb, I am ugly, I am useless and my existence is non sense. I am a wastage of space in this planet.
So I realized, this year I will make it different. What a concept.
I planned to dedicate myself to my studies since I will take UPCAT next year and it is a do or die test, it is my only choice for college and if I fail I do not know. I plan to love myself more than others. I will write as long there is a laptop and wifi. I will educate myself more. In all, I will try to improve myself and I hope this will last at least 2 weeks.