So with relationships…
It never seems to be the right time.

I felt like the last 99 guys was right, but i’m still waiting, hoping the next 1 will be the last. I haven’t found him. Convincing myself each time that i’m not searching for anything, but still I end up on these dates needing something. I become this hopeless romantic trying to hold them down, yet every time it becomes a battle. An angel and demon engagement. Like its rapture and the fight for his soul is basically the ultimate holy grail.
It’s like pushing a camel through the eye of needle. Trying to convince yourself and that person that their the one, then the emotional rollercoaster of realising after all that effort you’ve put in, that the differences of that supposed special someone overrides all your similarities.
Then comes the circumstances.
Me always trying, but him always needing, then the process of a break-up happens. At a young age starting out, I believed the dream of ever after. The expectancy of more, but then having my emotions transcend into instruments of disappointment.
The plans of a romanticising dream.
Me waking up with thoughts of him, but each night he goes to bed with someone new. I have no words for the choices he makes, but he blames it on time “Says its not me, it’s him”, a pathetic reason for an excuse; but this was the reason he gave for not coming home each night. His soul became a passing stranger. So this feeling I felt when I came to understand that he was no longer mine, someone else had his smile when their caller ID pops up on his line, someone else had his time. And whether it be a man or woman, I don’t know.
So the day came when I started to care less, I guessed at the time, it was for my best interest. So I wore my tears like a smile, teeth clenched with no regrets. Took up my laptop, and started to write. So…
#HereIAm
