My OCD Tries to Convince Me I’m Not Queer
My sexuality has always confused me, and now I think my disorder is stigmatizing me
Questioning your sexuality is a normal part of life. It can take as little as a few days to work out your romantic and/or sexual orientation, or it could take decades. And some never figure it out.
I realized I was attracted to girls in my preteens, not that I’d admit it at the time. I liked watching couples kissing on TV but told myself it was the guy I was interested in, not the girl. It wasn’t until I was around 19 when I finally figured out that it was also the girl. I’m bisexual.
I had a very similar experience with my obsessive-compulsive disorder. I always knew I had compulsive traits; as a kid, I was very twitchy and had bizarre rituals, but it wasn’t until my twenties that I gave it a name.
It was confusing to have my awareness of my sexuality and mental health develop concurrently. I know I was questioning myself in a way that every LGBTQ+ person has experienced, but I also started to worry that my sexuality was all down to my OCD. Was I just imagining my attraction to other women? Was I really bisexual, or did I have sexual orientation OCD (SOOCD)?
It was confusing to have my awareness of my sexuality…
