It’s not because they’re trying to hurt you. A few years ago, I came across an analogy that helped me understand something that has puzzled me for years. Why do people with narcissistic traits exploit other people—even those closest to them—for their own personal benefit? Maybe you know what I’m…

White supremacy and the logic of abuse — I wish that everyone could survive an abusive relationship so that they would understand how abuse works. If you understand the logic of abuse, then you understand the logic of White supremacy, because White supremacy uses that same logic to justify its own violence. Wanna dismantle White Supremacy? Start by…

From Taylor Swift’s music to Jessica Simpson’s memoir, I recognize the stories of manipulation and abusive relationships. —

You are a plant now. Spread your leaves to the sun. If you’re working at home for the foreseeable future, you might think that now is the time to come up with an elaborate morning routine à la Tim Ferriss. But, no — now is not the time for an…

How to stop taking on other people’s unwanted feelings. — I once got an email that was so blameful and shameful in a backhanded, passive-aggressive way that I was in complete shock. On the surface, the language was formal and distant, even polite, but the subtext was anything but—like a bomb disguised as a scented candle. So, I rewrote the…

World ending? Time to find that one person you truly hate. The Roadrunner to your Wile E. Coyote. The Caroline Calloway to your Natalie Beach. The Joan Crawford to your Bette Davis. The Unknown to your Roxane Gay. The Rocky and Bullwinkle to your Boris and Natasha. In times like…

Is it possible to consent to being shamed? Ever since what happened at Writers Blok, I’ve been thinking about how I ended up in a writing community with an authoritarian power structure where shame was often the norm. I don’t think anyone sets out to find a community like that…