Am I This Person, or That One?

01: The Dissonance.

June 2016. Marina District, San Francisco.

It’s a calm evening. The air is slightly- very slightly, windy.

The night is illuminated by the warmly probing golden rays of light radiating from the resplendent rotunda of the Palace of Fine Arts.

I’m out on a stroll in the company of thoughts- taking in the evening, and leaving my mind to enjoy itself.

To my right is the lush green lawn anteceding the serene lake that mirrors the light from the impressive court. In my minds eye, I see my parents lying on the lawn- unabashedly enjoying themselves, basking in the ambience of the evening. My father is not doing a very good job of containing his amazement at the verdancy of the vegetation. My mother amiably snaps at him- saying something about being prudent with excitement. A part of me wonders if that’s what all wives are like- amiably snapping at the husband to check his excitement. I don’t know, maybe. Maybe. Married people are a puzzle.

To my left is a row of houses- dignified and alluring, aligned in a visually delightful row fringing the road on which I walk.

As I move through space, senses taking in everything, imagination making no attempt to be provident with extroversion, I come upon a thought.

This collision in thought space usurps my attention: I pause to look around me.

“Everything is so beautiful. So, so, beautiful.”

But no, not just that. Not just that. Everything was so- valuable. The road was lined with luxury vehicles- (The Dodge Challenger was one I personally had a weakness for- it struck me as a remarkably sturdy, confident machine).

Strangely however, the awareness of just how much value was literally imbued in the air around me was one that plied me with a bothersome discomfort that scraped at my insides.

Why? Why was that? Why was being in such a beautiful place discomforting?

“I am in a beautiful place. I am in a very beautiful place. I am in a place some people would give anything to be in. Why- why then, am I uncomfortable?”

Tranquility collided upheaval.

— To be Continued —