My Lagos Experience — XperENs 18
Yesterday, I closed really late because I had a lot of catch up to do. I left the office around 8:00pm.

On getting to Doyin, I just said a silent prayer asking God for guidance and then boarded a bus going through the straight route instead of passing through Second Rainbow. At the end of the day, it was not a bad choice.
But the bus was a very bad choice. I went to the back seat where I thought would be comfortable. It was, until two men sat in front of me. The front seat was a bit bad, the back rest was not firm any longer. Once the men leaned back, they pressed the life out of my knees. I tried to explain to them and they sat upright, only for them to start sleeping later in the journey. I tried my best to push the seat forward with my knees. Worse still, some big men got in beside me and I immediately shrunk to a size six. It was too late to get off. I didn’t even have the energy to find another bus.

The journey was unusually smooth for the straight route, no traffic, we sped all the way to Alakija without any hassles. People seemed to be pooping a lot this evening though, and without shame. I mean, where have Lagosians kept their shame? Chai!
Right under the street lamps, shining brightly, people were busy pooping. Maybe they have the illusion that the lights would make their bums glisten and look beautiful, I have no idea. On second thought, they probably wanted to make sure they noticed anything that crawled out from the surrounding grasses. I counted about five men pooping under the lamps at different points, bums in full view.

Thankfully we were past the shit kingdom in no time.
The traffic demon was somewhere I don’t care about, but thankfully not Alakija. Alakija was unbelievably free. We stopped for a bit and continued on after some passengers alighted. Just after Alakija, the driver connected to one of the roads under construction. He had to pay a hundred naira to go through. Imagine! Even CCECC workers dey hustle outside hustle. Passing that route was however the best thing the driver did. The main road was blocked at several points on the way to Volks. Though slightly bumpy, we were able to pass through the roads without having to deal with traffic.

At Volks, the traffic resumed. I got off and decided to walk, only to realize I was really tired. I tried to find a bike to Iyanaba but it was difficult because I had no change. Finally, one okada man agreed to take me there and then surprisingly, he did not collect money. I thanked him and left.
As I moved on to find another bus, this guy just walked really fast up to me and started reciting his lines “Aunty, please help me with my trans…” Say what? I no let am land, I retorted immediately, “Please just get lost!”

Rude, right? Okay, I’ll tell you why. This guy needs transport every time I meet him. Everyday, same story. I don’t know if he thinks I will not recognize him or if he cannot recognize me either. I don’t understand why he keeps coming to me. The funny part is that once you shout, he takes off as if to save his life and then moves on to another person. Usually, i just ignore him but today, I was in no mood for that.
I got to the park and there was no bus. I stood a long time waiting and finally, one came. See rushing. I managed to find myself inside. A woman had gotten in before me with her child. She just sat and spread her legs and her child sat in-between. At least your child can sit on your legs and not in-between. We were two more on the seat and she made us uncomfortable. I tried to ask her to adjust but she just ignored me. Me abi? Okay.

I knew the woman was trouble so I waited pateintly for the pothole area where the bus would shake. As soon as the bus did, I used the opportunity to push her legs closed. I’m bad, I’m bad, you know it…

The man at the end and I finally sat comfortably.
When the driver asked for his money, I brought out five hundred naira. The man beside me had a hundred naira and he gave it to me. The woman with the child was with money in her hand though I was not sure how much it was. I kindly asked her how much she wanted to pay. She said “Wait make I check”, took several minutes to dig in her purse and then brought out a battered hundred naira. She was looking at me pointedly, probably waiting for me to say something so she could pounce on me. Me ke? Good girl that I am, I took a good look at the money and decided it was not that bad, if I could not spend it on any other thing, I would use it for fuel.

She was disappointed. I gave the driver five hundred naira and paid for the three of us. I collected my change and faced front jeje. She got off a few moments later with her wahala.
I got home at about 9:30pm, not bad considering the time I left the office.
I had to finish last week’s post and before I could lie down and wake up, it was already 5:30am. Which kind thing be this?
I sleep-walked through the first thirty minutes trying to do little stuff around the house. I ended up leaving home around 7:30am. Thankfully, I got a bus as soon as I reached the bus-stop. By the time I got to Iyanaba, it was 8:00am. I got on the bus hopeful again that there would be no traffic. My hope was well placed.
I noticed several people sleeping on the road slabs. Na wa o! People can just relax anywhere they choose or what? I even noticed several shacks built with wood and sacks along the road. I know life is hard and a lot of people are homeless, but then, all these things are risky. The homeless people in the streets, can’t the country just do something for them? Some may be hoodlums, and atrocities may be going on in those shacks. And to think our policemen will be there waiting to “catch” people in the wrong always, instead of watching over us and helping us when necessary.

We continued traveling smoothly. Around Alakija however, I noticed that buses were not going through the alternate route. I kept that in mind until we reached Mile 2. At Mile 2 there was a bit of traffic and so many passengers. Being conversant with the roads, I sensed there was more to it and quietly crossed over and took an okada instead. That was a priceless decision. There was traffic around Apapa and it had affected the environs. No buses, too many passengers, too may bike men hustling for passengers, double bus fare for buses that cared to deal with the traffic and all-what-nots.
I just got on the okada and we zoomed off in peace. Thankfully, we sped past urine valley as well, no trekking. I got off and walked to the keke point.
Na so I jam Oga-bad-manners, the keke driver from the other time. I just went to the next one silently. A guy got to his keke and wanted to sit in front, he asked the guy not to.
“Oga abbeg, you no fit stay here…”
“Why na?”
“I say you no fit stay here, e no go reach us, you go dey nack me abbeg…”
The guy went to the back quietly. I was just observing. Next thing I knew, another guy came, roughly same size as the previous guy and the driver allowed him sit in front. Una sure say this man dey okay? Well, I don’t know how he selects his front passengers, na him sabi.
Immediately the new guy sat, the one behind got angry.
“Oga, shebi u say make I no siddown there? Now this man and me wetin be the difference?”
“Abbeg, abbeg, abbeg oooo, if you no wan stay back come down, na you go tell me wetin I go do?”
“Which kind rubbish talk be that? You no sabi talk o, ahn ahn, see this man o…”
“I don talk my own finish, if you no want…”

I shook my head as our keke left the park. I got to the office at 9:05am.
Ehen…before I forget, here are some of the pictures I took.






