Big dream of a trance

I was born in one of Tehran's cities on a summer afternoon, August 6. Ever since I knew myself, I felt like my son and all of my friends were boys. From the age of four and even before I can remember, my feelings were boyish. When I became familiar with the physics of my cousins, I thought I would be a boy when I grew up. I had a strange world. My father was a religious man. Three sisters older than myself and two younger brothers than myself. At that age I could not have an analysis. I just thought I was a boy. I was very naughty in elementary school and all I was saying was why I came here while I was a boy. I kept crying and whining about why I was sent to girls' school.
I would tell my mother if I was a girl?
My pain started from the same elementary school. However, by force, and when my mother came to school and sat next to me, I got used to the conditions I was in.
When I was 9, when I saw it, things didn't change and I was still a girl. My job was to annoy the girls! And that was the only thing I could prove to be my son. I wore boy clothes all the time. I was playing boy games and this anomaly was more felt.
During high school, my problem became very acute،When I was in high school, I heard by chance that in other countries, there were some who could act and die. It felt good to me. The thought of change sparked in my mind. Then all I thought about was collecting my money and going abroad so I could work. Until then, I had no idea that I was sick and had some form of sexual disorder. Finally, with all the problems, I got my computer diploma and started working. Interior design was one of my favorite works. Another thing I was interested in was filming. I was doing all this with such enthusiasm that it was incredible. It was all about being able to go abroad and change my gender. Until I raised the money and was successful in my business, the dream was still with me.
It was in 1996 that my father suddenly became ill. Parkinson's got it all. My three sisters were married, and I was the eldest child of the family, so I was responsible for the whole family. My father was also likely to get Alzheimer's. It was a tough day. All the housework was with me. By the time I was 5 and lost my father that year. Life was getting harder and harder in those years. I wanted a marriage, but I was telling everyone that I would not marry. Another year I decided to leave Iran. All these years, the problems I had, the pains I had, and the suffering I was experiencing all went through me. Until one of my friends suggested that I go to a psychologist before going to Iran and share my problem with him. I did the same. But before I did, I said that I had endured all the hardships, let alone some time, and see if I could go out without my family. So I went to Mehrshahr and started living independently.
Finally, for the first time in all the times I was in trouble, I went to a psychologist who was very experienced. I explained my situation to him and told him everything I had never told anyone. He guided me, and it was there that I first realized I was a troll. Do you believe it? Until then, I didn't know what I was doing. During all this time, only one of my friends had been through the adventures of my life, and no one else. Since that time, my research on the disorder has been opened and I have refused to go abroad. My case was opened on October 5, 2009. I was looking into the legal process of my case. At the same time, a friend of mine who was in the process called my sister without informing me. And this was the first time my family was directly aware of this subject.
When I returned home, I was shocked to see my sister come from Zanjan and wait for me. As soon as I opened the door, he said, "You know what you're doing wrong." Until now, my sister hadn't spoken to me like that. It is not customary in our family to tell you, let alone speak in a bad tone and aggressively.
I told her to go into the room and talk. We went and he repeated his question. I said I did what you didn't do. He said, 'You're arguing. I said, 'Do I believe? Don't mistake yourself for me. You haven't seen all these years, I even hit a party at parties،Was this never a question for you? Never asked anything from me? The cologne I was wearing was masculine. My clothes were men's. My behavior was masculine and you never said why? Summary of that day we talked a lot.
My other sisters didn't treat me that badly. I told them that if I didn't do it here, I would go to another country. Then I made a conference video about it for my family. My mother cried when she saw the film and said, "God, what creatures God creates. Said Granny. Now I understand why you were always with the boys and had to find you either on the tree or on the roof. You were all there.
My mother reminded me at the time that I was doing boyish things when I was a kid. My mother wanted to marry me soon after that. He was constantly saying to raise Austin, Granny. Marry the one who understands you and is the one with the heart. It was in those days that I lost my mother.
It was in those years that I did my surgery and it was a rebirth for me. After the family surgery, they realized that at this time my only friends were with me.
I was happy to come home, my mother knew, but nothing came of it, but of course I was trying to stay away so that no questions could be answered. Imagine that I was so scared of going out and doing such a thing. It was so stressful that I went to the bathroom thirteen times. I couldn't climb the stairs because of the stress, but thank goodness it was.From my family, my aunt had come. My aunt's coming had an important meaning, and that was that my family's resistance was just because I was a member of them. If I were a distant relative, maybe this wouldn't be the case.
After the operation, my family was somewhat stubborn after me, I'm not proud, but if anyone doesn't come to me, I won't. My second sister, who was against me from the beginning, turned me down on my first post-surgery greeting and I was upset, but the rest of my family and other sisters were with me. Family members tried to rebuild this relationship, but I did not go underboard and pointed out my assignment for once, saying that I no longer value anyone enough to value me. This made the boundaries clear to them. Of course, my sister broke off contact with me, which happened to me.
I also told my mother that I would not be upset or try to rebuild this relationship! My mother was very respectful and respectful of her brother-sister relationship and was expecting to make it, but I didn't go down.
Of course they sometimes used my old name, until I told them once that if you call my former name, no one doubts me, you doubt why you are calling a man a woman. But this relationship got better during my mother's death, the same sister came, hugged me, and started the so-called reconciliation between us.It is true that in Iran they are allowed to change their gender, but we still have many social problems. One of the privileges I had was that I was given amnesty for my age-end card, but other kids have a lot of problems in this area, and sometimes they get exemptions because of mental issues, which is very bad.
Children of ours must be insured by the government on a general basis. What's wrong with our financial and mental condition is that the service will continue to cover all trances.
As for surgery, many families are reluctant to have their children, so where does that money come from? Go sell the stuff? I did it with my own money, but shouldn't Welfare specify my case that I opened in Welfare 5? Shouldn't they give me the money to do what is right for me? The welfare officer now says that they have even paid Year 2 payments, but my money remains. Why is it left? Where is it left Children should be supported before surgery, but when does this help? Many of the acting kids are still unfamiliar with the community and not working. All over the world our post-operative costs are free, why not Iran. We have so many tails and apparatus for specific diseases, why shouldn't that be the case for transgenders?
We have acted to live like Adam, if we have gone through these hardships, we expect to be like Adam, to serve and support as a citizen. As for work, marriage, the law, but we have a lot of problems. One of my friends has gone and taken the birth certificate, and in his new birth certificate has written a lot of explanations with which the birth certificate can no longer raise his head. She can't, find a job, get married, but I know my future is bright and I know then every darkness will shine and brighten our lives.
