TW: Short story | A crush rejection
She Thought I’m An Eff-boy
The day I realised my low self-esteem
Our family had relocated to one of Soweto’s suburbs after buying a house there. We spent two days in that area before school started. An open soil ground in which large crowds gathered to watch people playing soccer, tuckshops, and one story residential houses were what we got exposed to.
Anything that came close to skyscrapers was two story backrooms.
It was like any other ordinary Friday afternoon. I was walking to school with my little brother. Our parents had explained to us about the school proceedings, but not the previous school’s uniform we were going with.
Little brother showed confidence by walking with a random girl who passed us. I felt intimidated because I still had an extreme courting phobia. But then, I walked straight with firm shoulders as I approached the open school gate.
A lot of school kids, of different ages, wore the same uniform. Everyone seemed to know each other through kisses and hugs that we too affectionate and exaggerated.
I was in grade five. The problem here was that we left Joburg during the year. I was eleven years old by that time — only two years older than my little brother.
Once all the school kids had gathered in the assembly, I looked around for him. He had disappeared in the crowd. Still anxious, I straightened my back and put my hands in my trouser pockets, just like the kids who looked cool around their friends. I looked around like they did, going through the crowd’s occiputs.
Some teachers stood in the front and told us about the school’s basic rules. Everything I already knew. My mind returned back when someone passed to stand on my other side. Light brown eyes, chestnut brown skin, and black S Curl short hair.
“Hi” She returned to typing with eyes glued to her phone.
My heart throbbed as if I was losing breath. The mind stopped working. Knees were weak, hands sweaty with raised shoulders. A rare breed.
The assembly ended.
Everyone went to their selected groups. I went to ask the teacher where I should go. She escorted me to my new class and introduced me. My heart skipped harder when I saw the rare breed sitting in the front row, next to where I had to sit.
What didn’t make sense was that the class’ staring eyes were not that scary, but only her. I managed to survive the new school environment on my own. When the final school bell rang, I became the first one to leave. I speed walked not knowing I could.
Little brother had to go home alone. I couldn’t share this with him. Our age difference made me feel weak.
Two days, Saturday and Sunday, were the time I had set aside for preparations. I carefully listened to a lot of love songs until I realized that a lot of them were about people already in a relationship.
Few of them gave me lines I could use. Well, compared to romantic movies I got overwhelmed until I came to a conclusion to write easily memorable ones with a twist.
At home, I locked the bathroom door, faced myself in the mirror, and put the script next to it. My script read along the lines:
Me: Hello, how are you?
Her: I’m okay, you?
Me: I’m also goodNB: pause for few seconds and clear your throat.
Me: So, where are you going?
Her: I’m going home, why are you asking me?
Me: Look, there’s something that’s been bothering me
Her: What?
Me: I know we don’t know each other. But the first time I saw you, my heart filled with joy and my stomach filled with butterflies. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. You melt my heart when you speak. I love you and I want to be yours forever. All I need is for you to tell me you love me too”
Her: Oh wow, I love you tooNB: We hug and kiss
I reread the above script over and over. Everything made sense. Nothing could stand in my way. I felt over the world.
On Monday, I woke up an hour before my usual waking time and prepared everything for school. I walked slower than normal. She got out of her house. I took out the script from my pocket and skimmed it. After a deep breath, I rushed to her:
“Hello, how you doing?”
She looked at me blankly and faced forward. That nervous tick hit me again.
I cleared my throat.
“There is something I need to,” heavy breath catches me, “you know”
She holds the arms of her backpack — still facing forward. My mind goes blank. We walked for a few minutes until the school gate was near.
“Uhm…bye bye.” I walked back slowly.
She continued walking forward and did not look back.
When there was enough distance between us, I felt the most intense sorrow. My day at school was depressing — even more painful when I saw her everywhere in school. Not even my new friends could cheer me up.
As the days went by, still finding it hard to get over her, my friends took me to the grounds at the back of the school. Everyone was doing freerunning tricks on bare grass. I was the interested bystander. Even my friends knew how to do a few tricks — I didn’t bother trying. Somehow they lifted me up.
In one lesson in which there was no teacher present, within the classroom’s hubbub, I was drawing some random stuff on a table in the back row. My quirky friend brought his chair next to me.
“Bra, you probably won’t believe what I heard.”
“What?”
“Remember Nontando?” He points at the rare breed talking with her group of friends.
“Duh? We’re in the same class.”
“Listen here boy, you won’t believe this,” he clears his throat with a fist, “it turns out she rejected you because she thinks you have a lot of girlfriends. Believe me, my sister is one of her friends. She told me not to tell anyone. But you my friend, so…you know man.”
I shake my head.
“No man, that’s lies. Why was she cold then?”
“You don’t understand girls. That’s how they are. Try to date a few girls, you’ll see for yourself.”
I sighed deeply.
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Copyright © Mbhango Lefoka
