A Small Story of Doubt

It felt like I was like stepping out into a whole new country whose language I did not speak, with no google maps, nobody I knew that I could rely on. What would I do next? What people will I possibly meet? What will result from this journey into the unknown?

That (in a nutshell) was the macrocosm of what was going on in my head the moment I realized that the premed track might not be for me.

About 6 months ago, I had reached a point after the stress and worries of college, that I realized that I was not really happy with what I was studying. I liked learning about molecular biology. But did I like it to the point where I knew I wanted to dedicate the next 4+ year in medical school? If you were to ask me, it would take a couple long seconds of doubt and hesitancy before giving a reluctant ‘yes’.

But the moment I looked at my biology and physics tutor and told him that I did not feel passionate about the subjects I was having to learn, something else happened. There was a certain weight that was lifted off my shoulders and suddenly the subconscious expectations I was setting for myself in the back of my mind were floating away.

So then he asked me, “What things interest you the most in life? If you were to look back in your life, what are the things you feel passionate about?”

Before that, I would’ve usually responded with the line about how I’ve been studying and interested in biology, or studying infectious or non-infectious diseases, and even forensic science (since I watched a lot of Forensic Files as a kid). But feeling more open to talk about my own personal interests, I knew that I was also excluding a tiny little piece of the puzzle that is my life, I’m kind of a huge soccer aficionado.

Thus, this sparked a different type of conversation which resulted in looking at possible career paths in sports medicine, athletic training, and sports therapy. And not all of the above require the rigorous courses that are General Chemistry, Principles of Biology, Physics, and Organic Chemistry.

It was a day I still remember well, because it was the first time I was open with someone about something that I was never really confident in saying out loud yet. Because what would that mean? All these years spent in high school and university preparing for a career in medicine, and now, was I just going to jump ship, and let it all go to waste?

It was easy to think of it that way, but really, it didn’t have to mean that I was giving up, but instead it could mean that I was getting one step closer to finding a career path that I feel is right for me. And sometimes, it’s all about taking that first step. Whether it be moving on from a specific college track, thinking about a whole new career, or even writing your first story on an online website for random strangers to see. It’s a first step into an unknown world that is full of possible success and criticism, tribulations and rewarding experiences. It’s a world that you can carve up yourself through your own choices and the paths that you take.

And really, isn’t that the best way to live?