Confessions of a College Commuter Student: Loneliness

It was just about eight weeks ago from today that I came home, after my ‘last first day of school’ just about ready to shed a tear. And no…it wasn’t tears of happiness, but of much regret.

I was all set to listen to Christina Aguilera’s “Say Something” and wallow in the emotions…but then my mom had to ask me, ‘how was your day?

I remember well, my day didn’t feel too great, and neither did that week looking back at it now. After getting through three days of classes and walking back and forth through campus in one of the biggest cities in the world, I realized that I barely spoke to anyone and had neither seen anyone around that I was familiar with.

So yeah…it was a shitty day (but of course I wasn’t going to tell her that).

Instead, I waited for her to head off to work so that I could finally have the house to myself, and cry teardrops that felt like waterfalls, while serenaded by Christina’s powerful voice.

‘I’m such a loner’ I thought, ‘I barely have any friends…who would want to be friends with me anyway?’

And whenever these thoughts came about in my head, it would in some way stem from or come down to my decision to live at home as a commuter student during college.

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I write this now, not to ask for the pity of random strangers or people that I know that are reading this. I write this because this is pretty close to the roots of some of my darker moments in my life and maybe, just maybe, there are others out there that can relate and/or take comfort in the fact that they’re not alone and are not the only ones that may feel this way at some point in their own lives.

Whether it be for financial, work-related, personal reasons, etc., making the decision to commute in college brings with it some hurdles and challenges that aren’t equivalent to those in the typical college life. For me, my decision stemmed from living in a very close-knit family where at the age of 17, just thinking about telling my parents that I might have wanted to live away from home, was kind of a scary thing. At the age of 21 and after studying abroad in Europe, safe to say those feelings haven’t really stuck with me so much anymore.

But when you’re commuting, some of the difficult challenges come when trying to develop the social aspect of one’s college experience. For starters, it’s hard to make friends with those in your class, when literally the only time you ever see them or get to hang with them, is during class. You can try and stick around for those school club meetings to meet people outside of your field of study, but many may also have other commitments that restricts us of the time to stay on campus past 6 or 7 pm. With this in mind, it is easy to start to get the word ‘lonely’ imprinted in our minds, all while keeping a cool face around others like everything’s normal.

This has certainly been the case throughout my own time in college. It plagued me for a large part during my first two years of college. And it got to a point where in my third year, I pretty much accepted my own status as ‘a lone wolf’ and just focused my time on nothing much but the coursework I had to deal with. It was fine for the most part, but looking back now I do have some sense or yearning and desire that my life back then didn’t have to revolve so much around school and only school. I like to talk to people, and even if I just have one meaningful conversation with someone, I still would feel that I had a good day.

But let me take this moment and time now to say, that just because you are alone, doesn’t mean that you have to feel lonely. Those two are not exactly synonymous with each other, and they certainly don’t always have to be.

It may seem like every person you know in school is just an acquaintance, rather than a real friend, but don’t lose hope in the fact that one day you will meet true friends that’ll stick by you and will want to know more from you, than just what day that next course assignment is due. College doesn’t last forever, so it is not the only place in the world where one can make some buddies. I’ve made a handful of attempts on my part throughout my time in college to try and reach out to people I felt I could have that certain friendship, but to no avail. However, I’ve still managed to make some deeper level connections with people that have in some way or form lead to friendships, even some that may have only lasted for a couple months before having to go our own ways for whatever reason it may be.

Don’t let this define who you are, and don’t let this issue dominate your life. Instead, focus on doing the things that you enjoy doing. If you don’t know what those are, then don’t be afraid to go out and find them. Because what better way is there to make you happy in life than by actively doing things yourself that you enjoy? There’s a real sense of jubilation and pride in that, which you don’t always get from relying on anyone else.

Over these past two months, I’ve acquired a work-study job, two different volunteer positions, and even made time to go to some school dance clubs for the sake of my own enjoyment. It’s filled up a lot more of my time, and I’ve been able to meet a whole lot more people that in many different ways share some of my own interests in life as well. Sure, it can get really stressful, but the thing is when you’re focusing on doing the things that interest you, then they only becomes less of a hassle and instead more of a small hurdle which you can easily see personal rewards from once you get through it.

Everyone feels lonely at some point in their lives, so it’s no good use to compare yourself to other people that dorm or may seem to have it better off. And to be frank, no one really cares whether or not you feel lonely, but that only means that you shouldn’t either. Instead, focus on you, who you are, and your life passions, because those will always be there for you even after receiving your well-earned college diploma, and commuting back home.

Thank You for reading! ❤

MC