Why is it so hard to find a mentor?
Finding is a mentor is hard. If you are lucky, your emplower has helped you find a mentor through their own networks. However, not everyone has the luxury of these options. They need to do it the old fashioned way and network, network, network... just to try and find the right mentor.
Reason 1: Where do you even start?
This is the number one problem people face when seeking a mentor. How do you actually find a mentor? There isn’t some kind of global database that you can tap into. Even if there was, it’s not exactly an easy experience reaching out to a stranger for career or life advice. For me, a genuine relationship with a mentor is the most important thing when it comes down to it. I want to be speaking to a mentor that actually gets me.
There are some platforms out there like - LinkedIn, offering some kind of mentoring services… but it feels so manufactured. You have randoms reaching out to you wanting to help you. However, besides what they have read about you on LinkedIn, they know nothing about you.
Or, you can try attending networking events (which are now mainly virtual), but this isn’t always a very comfortable experience. Networking alone is hard! You have to try connect with someone who has shared interests to you, maintain some sense of dialogue, look engaged, then somehow exchange business cards.
Why is it so hard to just find a mentor that is suited to your needs!?
This is why I started a mentoring platform called ZenDo Mentors. It’s a platform that helps finding a mentor easier and less stressful.
Reason 2: Vulnerability
It’s hard finding a mentor because it requires you to be vulnerable…and usually people don’t like showing their vulnerable side. It means you have to open up to someone about the areas of your life that you might not be happy with or feel confident in. This can be very hard for people, especially when you are in a corporate rat race and/or don’t want to admit any “weaknesses” of yours. But guess what… being vulnerable is one of your greatest strengths. I am an avid fan of Brené Brown (if you haven’t watched her Ted talk on vulnerability, you have to check it out). She speaks to the fact that being vulnerable is actually the most courageous thing you can do. She defines vulnerability as: uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. And when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you are actually stepping outside of your comfort zone and daring to be seen for who really are.
This is exactly what it’s like when you are looking for a mentor. It requires you to loosen the controls and seek guidance and advice from other people out there. Although, asking everyone to be vulnerable is like asking everyone to share their personal diaries.
The more conscious you are about being vulnerable, and accept the power of vulnerability, the easier it is to ask for help. I know many of us are very proud, independent people, but we need to get better at asking for help and leveraging the power of our communities and networks to realise our potential.
Reason 3: Fear of judgement
We worry too much about what people will think of us. After having moved to Amsterdam from Sydney last year I have quickly realised how different the Dutch culture is to the Australian. If you haven’t heard it already, the Dutch can be very direct. They are open to sharing their thoughts and feedback with you, even if it may be uncomfortable or negative in some way. In Australia, we like to speak in what I call “fluffy terms”, where we don’t like to hurt anyones feelings and use too many words to try and express ourselves. If we all adopt more of this “Dutch directness”, I think we would get a lot more done!
Next time you want to ask someone to be your mentor, think of the Dutch and consider asking them in a direct fashion. What have you got to lose?
Summary
I believe these are just some of the big issues people face when trying to find their own mentors. It’s awkward and can be very uncomfortable when you ask someone to be your mentor. If you think you could benefit from connecting with a mentor — amazing! I think we all need more mentors in your life. Not sure where to start? Then feel free to reach out. I would love to connect you with someone from our ZenDo mentoring community if you feel it’s the right fit. Otherwise, if you can relate — I would love to know what your experience has been like.
