It’s too late now.
No, it’s not.
Feeling comfortable with your family, friends, and work — that stuff is important. And two of those aren’t but half up to you, while the last one is only really up to you insofar as you can bring it to others (all of them, actually; unless your occupation causes discomfort in its intent and thus extent).
I would’ve loved a “comfortable” life. I breathe through my guitar. I enjoy writing, but have only ever done so for free (even if some work may have had major policy implications that I cannot claim I initiated). Yet, only recently have my design capacities actually begun to address the “world problems” with which I have been so uncomfortable.
And you know what? In my efforts to attack those problems “comfortably,” I have wasted the rest of my life and love — I have forgone wearing a tight but nice suit to networking events, or a properly collateralized loan to stave off a later credit card consolidation, or perhaps intermittently holding my tongue or speaking up when the opposite was the “appropriate” choice.
But barring the new-age sash of “you either succeed or it’s a learning experience” (like no; some interpersonal dynamics just always suck because sometimes your perceived shortcomings are actually your real untenable human nature), at the end of the day (month, year, decade, life), you CAN do everything you WANT to do, but almost never in the WAY you want to do it — if you let go of any need for approvals induced by those dynamics.
Diametrically opposed psychosocial spectrum / spectral analysis (paralysis) has been imposed on me for as long as I’ve been aware, inciting massively inaccurate neurological associations wherein I’ve been made to feel bad, from my childhood to sadly only recently, when I do good.
The camp counselors laughing at me with each other after asking me to spell “Massachusetts;” the elementary school teacher stealing my dinosaur mural because I made it the same week we started to learn geometry; the expectation by a crush of polite romantic chivalry when I called out an unfair situation.*
And ALL of that expectant praise — but more so it’s opposite where the good works are associated with bad self-care or self-respect or self-awareness (if early enough in mental development let’s call it “anticipatory hate”) have GOT TO GO.
You know why? Because in every sense of the word, “leaders” who think in this Zero Sum game (yes; even the ones who use your formal conduct as an excuse not to engage when they know you’re doing things exactly right) way ARE COMPLETELY FULL OF SHIT.
It is this embracement of ignorance — both by those in “leadership” roles and their willingly submissive (willfully ignorant) supporters — that is murdering, daily; spiritually, mentally, emotionally; the divine, sublime, inspired hearts and minds of our youthful and generally otherwise deeply well-spirited innovators.
And at THIS juncture, when “something don’t feel right” about our petroleum, pills, poverty, it’s time to shrug the mental thugs; drop the drugs; close the blank book of hate for your being great, and write your own fate. Indeed, it’s never too late.
*If you don’t intuitively “get” that these are examples of false projections onto smart people due to actually unrelated mental associations by the projecting party, #sorrynotsorry, you’re part of the problem.