Where is the love?
In the last few years have you ever looked at society as a whole and thought…”WTF?!?!”
I know I have and it’s been something that has been pressing on my mind greatly. Usually whenever I am stressed, bored, wired or just can’t sleep at night I write, hopefully for you the reader - it’s worth it.
A few weeks ago I finished up a book called ‘How to win friends and influence people’ by Dale Carnegie — if you haven’t read it, do it!
In it there are many important parts covered, but my overall take-away from this awesome book was this…
Stop being a dick!
I’m not saying ‘you’ in particular but you might have thought this about people in general or maybe at times felt you have been yourself — I know I have.
I think one of the main causes of this is social media — there are so many good things about it, like the ability to have readers, like you, read my stuff and you probably don’t even know who I am. That’s pretty amazing! But with the positive there is always negative.
You know them as ‘trolls’, ‘keyboard warriors’, ‘differences in politics’, ‘pride’, ‘jealousy’ and all the other things that come with social media.
Friends and family are being destroyed, torn apart, and disrespected because of one missing ingredient…love.
Now I know that sounds a little fruity but bear with me, I am not talking about ‘deep’, ‘affectionate’ or ‘sexual love’. I’m talking about ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ kind of love.
- Quick question: Do you know/ love your neighbor?
- My quick answer: I don’t even know who my neighbors are.
So obviously as I am writing this, I will also be doing this for my benefit. I am not preaching, rather raising awareness.
So I want to focus on 3 areas where there needs to be a little more love. I will share a story for each one either of my own personal experience or something that has inspired me in order to improve in these three areas.
- SOCIAL LIFE
In the book written by Dale Carnegie that I mentioned above it is centered a lot on influencing people and making friends in business.
Now I was raised by a dad who is a ‘hard core’ business man, what I mean by that is he not only worked hard to provide for his family, but he was a bit of a hard ass when it comes to business. He was a “cut the sh** let’s get down to business” kind of guy.
Now when it comes to running your own business, you do kind of need to be a hard ass, when you talk about business there are a lot of risks — it’s a dog-eat-dog world.
That ‘fellow co-worker’ of yours will sell you out in a heart beat to get that promotion that will move them up the ladder. So confiding with them all of your deep dark secrets about co-worker ‘x’ and the office rumors is probably not a good idea.
Now does this mean the person that sold you out is an “ungrateful-untrustworthy (enter expletive here)?
No. That’s just how shiz goes with business. Their are two HUGE things that can change a person drastically I have seen in my experience — where one moment they are your best friends and the next moment your enemy.
That is fear and greed.
Those that aren’t successful are fearful — they want to brown nose and sell you out or anyone else they can to work there way up the corporate ladder because they are maybe in a crap workplace/position to begin with and have a ton of stressful things happening back home, supporting family etc. and this promotion can really get them out of the deep end.
Then you have those that are greedy — I wont name drop but I am in the business of creating and selling courses that I teach. I already had a little bit of experience selling courses/ eCommerce when a certain individual reached out to me for advice on how they too could get started selling courses.
After a few weeks of talking back and forth and me offering advice and help — he was ready to launch his own course. Well, turns out the person didn’t need much of my advice at all because they made close to $100,000 in the first month of launching the course.
But that said person shortly after releasing that very successful course said they wanted to launch a course with me that we could co-instruct. I immediately said yes and began working 10–12 hours a day straight for a week to complete the work I needed to in order to finish this course. We had a tight deadline of when this course was to be launched and I did everything in my power to meet that deadline.
But I felt no matter what — I had to do it, that nothing else was worth it.
Side note: That is ALWAYS a terrible mentality. Especially because I was a newly wed at the time.
At night I couldn’t sleep, I was so excited this was finally my start I was finally going somewhere in my life. The caveat, I was operating not only excitement but fear.
Days passed — weeks passed — months passed
The course never got launched I did my part 50% and was waiting on the other person to do the remaining 50%. In fact it came to a point where I was practically ignored by the person I was to make this course with. The person that said ‘he promises we would launch this course together’ and kept putting off our course again and again and again.
At first I was confused, than angry, than hurt, than scared again that my life would forever be the same.
Why didn’t they keep their word? I put in 100 of hours of unpaid work in less than a week all while working a full-time job.
Later when I realized that there just wasn’t going to be a course to be launched I messaged the person to ask them if they could at least buy the assets I made for them to at least compensate all the time I spent creating them.
The answer I received from someone well on their way to one million dollars
“I can’t spend any money on the assets”
Stupidly I took a small job down the road hoping to re-kindle the friendship we had during the first few weeks prior to them launching their very successful course.
I had so much to do in such a short amount of time that I had to bring on a trusted friend and Disney Animator to help me get the rest of the work done. We worked 32 hours each in 2 days. When it came time to pay up, I was then notified of a ‘budget’ and that we had gone over the budget amount and that the person — now a company — could not pay me for the full amount of time put in and worse a freak’n Disney Animator and friend also got screwed in the deal.
Again, nothing but greed.
So how could have love in business, especially when everyone seem to be a-holes?
Keep in mind, I, only at the age of 28 have had my fair share of crooked, scammy, and just plain getting screwed business experiences time and time again.
But just because that has happened, doesn’t mean that I need to be an a-hole to others. In fact, unless you are some corporate CEO douche swimming in cash, looking down at people, being an a-hole will not get you far at all.
In the book ‘How to win friends and influence people’, Carnegie refers to a certain man by the name of Charles Schwabb one of the first business men to be paid over one million dollars.
He was hired by Andrew Carnegie to become the president of his steel company in 1921 and would be paid over $3000 a day. Funny thing is, Charles was not a genius of steel but of people.
He was paid $3000 a day, because he knew how to deal with people. Not in a “I know how to manipulate this person to do this thing by being a complete hard ass” but by the following…
Listen to the words of love from a business man
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people, the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is appreciation and encouragement
There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise”
- Charles Schwabb
Ever since I have gotten fired — you can read about that here — and now work from home, I rarely go outside.
Not going out. But going outside period. Healthy much? No, not really. I have literally become the most socially awkward I have ever been in my life! It sucks.
The only ‘kinda-sorta’ things I can talk well about socially is business, because that is literally what has consumed my life. Other than that, if you are in front of me I probably wouldn’t be able to make eye contact when talking with you because, well, I have always sucked at that — probably a self esteem thing.
But the one mentality I gained very quickly after being fired when no reason was given after working very, very hard was hatred toward people in general.
Not a “oh I am going to kill you and dance on your body” hatred, but more of a “everyone is stupid” hatred.
Hatred is a really off-colored word so we will use the word resentment.
But the thing is, this resentment outside of close family, friends, business partners, and people I chose to love and help was very big. But also very noticeable. One thing I have grown to resent was large crowds, of both people I wasn’t exactly ‘chummy’ with but also large crowds in general.
I have never liked being the center of attention and have despised people that did. One it’s a quality I failed to posses as I soon learned after taking public speaking in college, but I also just feel extremely uncomfortable. But the bad part is
- I am not good at hiding it.
- I tend to let people know it, unintentionally.
But the part I am trying to get at is this…having the mentality towards people like had is a HUGE problem. It wasn’t till a couple of months ago that I had realized how out of control my resentment toward people had gotten.
Keeping yourself cooped up inside all day for months and only seeing bad things on the news, YouTube and hearing about bad things can do that to you.
So after reading the book mentioned above, I knew I had to change fast, because it was not a road I wanted to go down nor a mentality I wouldn’t want to have forever. So one day I wrote the following post on Facebook:
“No one is probably going to read this but hey I will write it anyway.
This hit hard with me today.
“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
I had just picked up the book ‘How to win friends and influence people’ by Dale Carnegie. So far, huge paradigm shift.
I am the fool mentioned above. But why?
I live in an apartment building on the third story. I have a neighbor who always has a messy porch, usually trash sitting outside their doorstep. It doesn’t affect me much as it is not visible from my window or door, however it smells.
I have complained to management about our neighbor and the possibility of why we had a bug issue. Shortly after I come to find out, the person living there is a single mom with one toddler and an infant.
I found this out because one night after getting the mail I saw this mother struggling to carry her child in a stroller, her toddler, and groceries.
I offered to help carry up her stroller and groceries and she just carry her two children. Found out as we reached the 3rd story she was the person I had complained to the apartment a few weeks earlier.
You can probably imagine, I felt like crap. She was grateful for helping her out and went inside. I haven’t thought anything of it since.
However the trash is still on her porch some days. In a way I am still disgusted, but that’s when I am ‘a fool’. Next time I see the trash on the porch instead of turning up my nose. I am going to knock on the door and let her know that I was taking my trash out and let her know I can take hers down as well.
It’s been hard with this whole political BS to even remain positive. I have lost friends, simply because I do not wish to associate with some of the people and the negative things they say and do. I have thought most people to be ‘stupid’ on the internet, road, or public places. Of course there are those who might just be ‘careless’.
But at the same time there is a lot of hate, pride, and selfishness in the world today. It’s easy to look at people with trash on their porch and want to report them, but you have to ask yourself.
“Why do they have trash on the porch?”
Sure they ‘could’ be lazy — but think about it, there is probably a single mom-struggling who could use a hand.
I will update you on how the whole taking out someone else’s trash goes”
Well I did end up taking out her trash, once. But I wussed out when it came to knocking on the door and letting her know that I did it. Mostly because again, I am socially awkward.
But anyway, the two lessons to learn from this, especially in today’s world with all this politics, hate, and crap going around. Two things that will help you change your perspective completely about people and thinking that they are all stupid
- Find opportunities/ ways to serve people around you
- I will leave the answer in a quote by Henry Ford
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
Now I left this one last, because it is the MOST IMPORTANT.
At the end of a crappy day, dealing with crappy people at work and on the way home. Who gets to deal with all of your loveliness-sarcasm for crappy attitude?
Most likely spouse or children — parents if you are still at home.
So the people that love you and will stick by you most are the ones that have to put up with the most crap? That doesn’t sound right. But that is the case most of the time.
When I think about it every member of my family has done A LOT for me — whether it’s my wife, parents, brothers, sister or in-laws. I wouldn’t be able to be where I am at today, without them.
But how often do I tell them that? I honestly try to — despite how awkward it is to try and squeeze in a “I love you” to my mom and dad before hanging up the phone as quickly as possible.
Haven’t said I love you to my brothers since probably…birth, because they would most likely laugh at me and call me gay, so we have other ways of showing love. Usually making fun of one another.
My sister too would find it weird if I say I love you but that’s because we got a special kind of relationship where I think I like her more than she likes me.
So when’s the last time you told someone you love them other than your spouse or maybe even children? It’s hard isn’t it?
Why is that though? Honestly and again from experience. It’s American culture and what I mean by that is if you go to any Latin American country you hear all the time “te quiero papa, mama” (I love you) from adults to their adult parents, same from brother to sister and other family members.
Families I have noticed in Nicaragua are very close in words when it comes to this aspect of love for them it’s everyday language. The part that’s hard for North American’s is saying it.
So I want to leave you a challenge, to call up your mom, dad, brother, sister — whoever and let them know that you love them. Talk to them, listen to them, recall memories you have.
I will do it and probably do an update to this post with my results.
But honestly, tell the ones closest to you that you love and appreciate them. Do the same for people you meet every day by your actions and in your business show respect.
Also if you would like, show me a little love by recommending your friends and family to read this or let me know your thoughts :D
My goal in life is to become a millionaire simply to be able to travel the world and help people get the mentality to become a millionaire. But if I don’t ever get there, I at least want to make an impact to you, the reader. That would make me feel like a million bucks.
To end up this read check out a song that came out about 13 years ago that conveniently goes with the title of this post — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpYeekQkAdc