How to Become Unf*©kwithable
Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.
–Archimedes
When I was younger, I got fucked with all the time. Some girls fucked with me because they sensed my neediness. Some bosses fucked with me because I feared losing my job.
Life fucked with me because I expected too much good will for too little effort.
And guess what? That’s on me. That’s on me. And that’s on me.
I may have thought, at the time, that I was being unfairly targeted. Truth is, I painted a big bullseye on my back because I was seeking validation and security from the outside world.
In ceding all my leverage to external forces, I gave over control of my life experience to the whims of a world that couldn’t care less about me.
Leverage correlates directly with your level of unfuckwithability. The more you have, the more you have.
To become unfuckwithable does not mean that you need to be jacked or learn some MMA shit or get a pistol license. Like most aspects of life, it is not an additive exercise.
It’s about shedding the layers of fear, ego and excess to reveal the true value of you… to you.
Think back to times in your life when you wanted something so badly: the hot cheerleader, the corner office, the expensive sports car.
Whether or not you got those things, how did that yearning make you feel? Confident and fulfilled? Or insecure and needy?
For me, the more I want something ego-driven and externally validating, the less in control I feel.
And, when I do get them, I soon realize how vacuous the whole endeavor is. The power is not in attaining the thing. The power is knowing that the thing is not going to fix you.
The more ‘things’ you covet, the more power and influence it has over you. Hence, you become highly fuckwithable.
At the negotiation table, the person most willing to get up and walk is always the victor.
Are there aspects of your life that you wish you could walk away from but don’t think you can?
If you are truly okay with losing your job because you know that you can get a better one or are at peace with being single because it gives you time to work on yourself, you sow the seeds of unfuckwithability.
However, If your happiness is defined by the relationship you are (or you are not) in, you are most definitely not unfuckwithable.
If you cling to your possessions and only seek to add to your collection, you add surface area to the things that can be used to fuck with you.
Sometimes, you need to lose all the ‘stuff’ to gain the strength to stand on your own, not leaning on someone of something to keep you propped up.
Sometimes, cutting down to the bone will reveal to you what you’re made of underneath all the artifice. Call it minimalism. Call it essentialism.
Or, more aptly, call it rebirth.
In the classic — and supremely quotable — film, The Usual Suspects, the character Verbal Kint tells his interrogator the origin story of the mythic crime lord, Kaiser Soze. (Speaking of brilliant quotes, this scene leads with the gem: “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist.” ).
Clearly, Soze took minimalism to an extreme, but there is a message amidst all that mayhem: to possess the power to change your circumstances and have the world by the balls (as opposed to the other way around), you don’t need a special gift or a helping hand.
You need to have the will to do what the other person won’t.
You’re invited to a party that you know is going to be a great time, but you recently committed to getting up at 6am every morning to do your deep work.
You no longer derive fulfillment from your job, but your disillusionment is well compensated.
Your ten-year relationship has run its course, but you’re terrified at this stage in your life to start again at zero.
I reckon most of us would go to that party with their disengaged partner and talk about how much they hate a job they will never leave.
And wake up hung over the next morning to a world — created by their own design — waiting to fuck with them some more.
Now let’s look at the contrarian’s path. No girl, no job, no shiny distractions. Scary? Hell, yes! Exhilarating? Most definitely.
And empowering.
The man waking up to that reality is destined to create a much better world than the drab, safe one that they were once sleepwalking through.
Want to become truly unfuckwithable? Build the reputation with yourself that you are the kind of man willing to walk away from the table at any given moment.
Nothing is worth more than your self-worth.
Join my newsletter, Reboot Camp Weekly, and get my free eBook that’ll help you live your best life after 40.
