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Queen of the Wild Things

I fell apart right before your eyes
Everything was going fine
Until I wasn’t alright
My mind a melting canvas
With hot colors streaking
The beautiful picture
I worked so hard making
Seeping into my mind
I knew they were coming for my mind
I felt myself try to fight
Scared to let it take you too
I ran into the night
I have monsters in my mind
They lay peacefully asleep
When I am happy
They yawn and turn over
And they dream their monster dreams
Pray for me when they wake
It happens so fast when they decide to play
That’s when I keep you at bay
Afraid they may take you
Rage fills me
I promise it’s not you
I promise it’s not me
It’s not who I want to be
It’s so hard
To love me
But I’m growing
And that gives me hope
I have the power to change me
But in the moment
They conquer and I lose
I hate that I lose my mind
And I cry
Recognizing that I am still weak
That I have a life’s work ahead of me
I thank you for loving me
Because of you, I want to change
And be the person I want to be

I fell apart right before your eyes
My eyes started dripping
And I lost sight of who
I. Am.
In those moments I don’t recognize myself
Those aren’t my eyes
Hey! That isn’t my nose
Those aren’t my teeth
They aren’t my words
And these monsters
Are my thoughts?
They don’t say anything
They’re dark and take no form
That’s what is scary about it the most
They only exist when I let them
Ive been getting better at recognizing
When I feel I am losing control
I try to to be different
But when you see me
You’re looking at me
And I thank god that you see
It’s not really me
And when I set out to find real me
I thank you for supporting
You shine light so I can see
And collect the parts of me
You hold the mirror as I gently
Put myself back in place
Im sorry
Im trying
Learning to be Queen of the Wild Things
But If you need to leave
I’ll let you go peacefully
I will harness the strength you gave me
And will think of you fondly
Thank you for loving me



Dancing at the intersection of programming and spontaneity. I have the strength to be better, and to love. Twitter: @mcgowanbrianna1

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