Sisters Forever
How does one articulate the total collapse of mental and physical health? It felt as if I were nearing the end of an entire lifetime. Time violently rebelled against my life. Any second I could blink and then my grandchildren would be in front of me, asking for caramel candies. I’d have secret conversations with my daughter giving advice about life. A pitcher of sweet tea would be on the stove and my life’s will would be sealed in a mahogany desk drawer. In it would describe my cremation wishes. How I’d want my ashes to be strewn across the Texan gulf, the same waters I swam in as a kid. The same waters that became tarnished and polluted after years of torrential oil spills. That same beach I wrote my wedding vows, where years later my ashes would fly in the summer winds and settle momentarily on the murky blue-brown waters, then disappear to the abysmal depths below.
My soul would scream into the dark, expanding void of the cosmos and suddenly life would seem like a far away, fragmented dream that I once had as kid, only able to remember a particular sound or color or feeling. My laughter would escape and dance spritely amongst the stars. My anxieties would melt into a newborn nebula, mixed and volatile, condensing from the pressure I had kept within my flesh. A black hole would stretch out my consciousness and my memories would be strewn in front of me like previews of any point in time in my life. If I had to choose just one to jump into and make into an eternity, it would be a daunting choice for some, but not for me.
I would choose the memory from when I turned 18. I had just graduated high school, and afraid of starting a new chapter in my life. My dark skin discolored by a swimsuit bikini tan that covered my newly budding breasts. My hair was turning golden brown from the sun exposure and I was wading in the shallows of womanhood. My sister and I snuck away from our large family reunion. We had dodged a couple uncles, past the outdoor buffet. Right before mamma had a chance to turn around and catch us ditching, we had broken into full blown sprints. We ran to the edges of the state park, to where the wild Texas bluebonnets met the lake, wheezing and exasperated from laughing as hard as we had ran. Our hair, long and tangled curls. Feet bare, our shoes lost somewhere in the meadow behind us. At the edge, we looked at each other, her brown eyes mischievously sparkling as we succeeded in our escape. “Sisters”, we said to each other, “now and forever.” And then we jumped fully dressed into the lake, and floated with happiness in our bellies, side by side uncontrollably laughing.
