I just have a certain given time every day. And this time is precious. If I let myself being pulled by the many requests for feminist education, I swear I would barely have time left to do anything. Any feminism related discussion, peaceful or not, with a dude (or a woman, but it’s very very rare) ends up the same way: they need figures, articles, explanations. Things that you find yourself very easily with the help of the Great Google. Weirdly enough, they always react very negatively («you avoid debate, you refuse to have a nice discussion») when I invite them to do the job themselves. I have so much time a day, and being a feminist didn’t made me committed to the education of anyone.
There is this big question uttered in feminist circles wether we should educate people or not. Most of the time, I think it is a waste of time, especially when it’s a Google search away. It drives feminists away from their battles. My feminist awakening was a thing I went through myself. I read, I questioned, I fought my own biases. It took a certain amount of time, but it worked. And I don’t remember having called anyone out for their unwillingness to debate or educate other people like me.
Empathy is both ways. I realised it is hard, long, difficult to educate people on their biases, even if they are willing. Because the cost of accepting that you’ve been doing something all wrong for all your life is not for feminists to bear. It’s an individual battle that each of us has to lead, against biases, our own ego and internalised rules that society still imposes on us. If people who I call out for their sexist behaviour are not willing to listen and resist what they are said because it’s too hard for them to challenge their biases, I am no one to educate them. Or I swear I want to get paid for it ;)