How I Feel Now Coming From Being The Best Down To The Worst

Moving from the tip of the mountain to rock bottom is a mixed feeling. It felt sad, self-loathing, and depressing. It felt like my peers are tons away from me. It felt like I am in the road of nothingness at the end.

I’ve always think that I’m the best. Thinking that, it reflected to my personality. I was closed-minded. I haven’t look the other way. I shut people down as soon as they try to correct me because I am the best.

I never made real friends in my early days in college. I used to think that I am a strong person who can do it all with his 100%. To be honest, I sometimes miss that old mindset because I can do the job done when I set my mind into it. Maybe I really was a strong person because I don’t depend on anyone. Not with my classmates, not with my teachers, and not with my siblings.

At the last four semesters of college, I managed to tone it down a little. It was fun. I got friends. I am smiling often. Downside is my “do it now” mindset was slowly fading away. I mostly depend on my classmates. I read somewhere that the more friends you have, the less strong you are as a person. I wasn’t sure if I’m doing something wrong or right.

My first day of work, I tried to not make many friends. I was the lone wolf. I was always late. I don’t know if I’m doing a good job and just trying to get the job done. I was not the competitive fellow like I used to be. The sad thing is I missed that “do it now” mindset more than ever.

I am trying to not mess up. I am always careful with how I handle things. But even if I do all things right, I can still lose. I messed up my punctuality, then my work, then relationship with my business partner. It chain reacted to something. Something that made me feel like I’m at rock bottom.

Now I’m trying to fix it all one at a time. Maybe retain my friendliness and try to change back to the “do it now” attitude. I don’t know if I am doing something right but I’ll live on. I don’t know if I’ll mess up again but I’ll live on. Depressing as it may be.

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