ALOT going on in this story. So let just say a few things. All of what you talk about is the breakdown of America’s social contract. Period. We have changed dramatically as a society and not updated our social contract. It is confusing for EVERYONE.
I was a child that had those “moments of sexual abuse”-it started at 7. This from my father, one brother and a male cousin. I worked my ASS off to get through it and on the other side. For this group to downplay the damage this causes is appalling ignorance and denial. Any kind of violation for male or female and it happens to both genders. [Rape] ends in just a few minutes with little-to-no harm caused to the victim. This statement sounds like Brock Turners father and the minute he said that most normal people realized how dysfunctional his family is. Meanwhile, false accusations of rape have a long-term and devastating impact on the victim.” Just take a look at the two heroes who tackled Brock Turner. They were traumatized.
I do agree that the court system is broken. I can also tell you as many stories about women who left the work force to stay home and raise the kids, and once this was done, she was thrown out for a younger model, and the husband destroyed the family and she was left penniless. Worse part about ALL of this is the kids. The system sucks.
Also keep in mind women have realized how stacked against them this system is for along time. For example, many women give up their careers to be with their children. They lose those years of income and do not pay into social Security. After the kids leave home, getting back into the workforce at their previous level and/or getting a job at all, is difficult for many Mom’s. This is a critical reason that women continue to be the largest growing segment of the homeless population. The only difference now is that when women become homeless, they have children with them.
I am a feminist, a humanist and feel strongly that we are conditioning both sexes in ways that are incredibly harmful to the species. That doesn’t mean that when you label me as a feminatzi, I burn my bra’s. In fact, I do wear bra’s and have never burnt one in my life. Luckily, I have four good men in my life that I love completely. My desire as a parent is to teach them to be good men.
This includes learning how to find and treat women as your equal. That doesn’t mean you have to behave the exact same way, it is about respect, and balancing the power of your relationship. This also includes a healthy relationship where each partner has their own space. Whether it is a man cave, woman cafe-WHO CARES as long as each partner has the time to breathe and be with themselves.
I hope that if my children choose to marry, they commit to the longevity of the contract and honor their partner through every stage of their marriage. And their are LOTS of stages. God forbid, if they do end up getting a divorce, that they treat each other with dignity and respect and remember the many things they built together. I firmly believe that once you have kids it is not about you anymore. It’s called being a parent.
Last thought, the masculinity that is described here is what has made TRUMP so popular. I feel incredible shame for our country that we have so many people who believe and feel this way. To me, this describes a toxic masculinity that hurts all of us.
Thanks for the thought provoking article.