What?

Broken Millennial vs Modern Wrestling Crowd

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the ring — Stone Cold Steve Austin

Stone Cold Steve Austin’s music plays throughout the Barclays Center

Crowd: cheers loudly

[Millennial Stone Cold Steve Austin walks down to the ring]

MSCSA: god damn does it feel good to be back in brooklyn!

Crowd: cheers loudly

MSCSA: i came down here because i have a few things on my mind.

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: first things first, that sorry piece of crap, The Rock

Crowd: boos loudly

MSCSA: yeah, ROOOCCKKY, i’m talking about you, you son of a bitch!

Crowd: cheers loudly

MSCSA: you come out here and you run your little mouth, spin your little rhymes and talk your little trash, but do you think Stone Cold cares?

Crowd: nooooooooooooooooooooo!

MSCSA: you’re god damn right Stone Cold does not give a you know what about The Rock or any of those pieces of garbage in the back. those jamokes are greener than a watered lawn.

Crowd: cheers loudly

MSCSA: The Rock is a piece of garbage.

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: trash

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: leftover scraps

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: waste

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: and come Summerfest, Stone Cold is going to whoop the ever-loving piss out of the The Rock and that’s all i’m gonna say about that!

Crowd: cheers loudly

MSCA: now that i got that out of the way, Stone Cold can focus on what he really came here to talk about.

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: a thing that’s been on Stone Cold’s mind for a long time.

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: a thing that Stone Cold has just been itchin’ to get off his chest

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: Stone Cold Steve Austin is…….sad

Crowd: ……….what?!

MSCSA: i said, Stone Cold is sad

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: depressed

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: alone

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: existentially crippled

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: morose

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: dejected

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: after feeling like this for quite some time, i said Stone Cold

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: there’s no use in me sitting here crying

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: whining

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: bitching

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: moaning

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: living

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: breathing

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: loving

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: ……trying

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: so i sat down and i asked, Stone Cold, what’s the point?

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: what’s the meaning of life

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: are we just spinning our wheels?

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: are we all too broken to be loved?

Crowd: what?!

MSCSA: are we the main obstacles to our own happiness? our own worst enemies?

Crowd: what?!

[Millennial Stone Cold Steve Austin begins to sob uncontrollably]

Crowd: this is awesome

clap clap clapclapclap

MSCSA: and that’s the bottom line, cause Stone Cold said so!