me, unfiltered.

My life is a fucking mess. At least it feels that way. I know that in the grand scheme of things it’s not. I know that I have a lot more going for me than many others, but I feel lost right now. Totally, utterly lost.

And I started this thing where I write about it. I know, I know, writing is not exactly a new thing, but it seems to work for me. When I was a teenager I wrote in a journal. These days I do it on my laptop. It’s better that way, actually. I can type pretty quickly and it’s easier to keep up with my rambling train of thoughts this way.

So when I’m feeling overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, lost, confused, etc… I write it down. When I remember to. When I don’t I just end up feeling those emotions and usually spend the day drowning in a puddle of my tears, so it’s much better when I remember to write out my feelings instead. It helps me work through them and then let them go. It even helps me figure out shit that I can’t when I’m just wallowing in those feelings. Somehow, for me, putting how I feel into words is both cathartic and incredibly helpful for improving my self-awareness.

So why am I telling you this? Because there are so many times when I’m writing out my messy, muddy thoughts and feelings and I wonder how many others are thinking and feeling the same things? I always find it really comforting to know that other people are going through the same things as me, that they’re feeling the same shitty feelings and thinking the same fucked up stuff as me.

So I’m going to try putting these thoughts and feelings of mine out there. (And I totally know that I’ve started the last 3 paragraphs with the word “so,” but I’m also going to be doing this thing where I try not to over-analyse and over-edit my style of writing, because I think that will take away from the overall purpose of this, which is just to share how I’m feeling in as unfiltered a way as possible.) And I’m doing it anonymously so I don’t get caught up in polishing things up to impress my friends and family.

It’s pretty much going to be the same old shit I’d be writing on my laptop, but this time I’m going to publish it on the off-chance that some other lost, confused, and fucked up soul out there reads this and feels some kind of comfort knowing they aren’t alone.

But this is just an introduction, really. There’s going to be more. So much more. But there you go. Your first taste of me, unfiltered.