My Student Loan Story
Big numbers. Early years. Navigating the financial world was a bumpy one for me. It’s taken me til age 35 to share. And it’s still not over.
From 2002 to 2006, I attended an all-women’s college in Atlanta, Georgia. I chose the school based on location and the financial aid package offered. More specifically, there was a filing cabinet by the career counsellor’s desk with college applications and I applied in alphabetic order. I was pretty distracted at age 17.
It was my choice. I don’t regret it. But it was some of the most vulnerable years of my life. The path could have looked so much different.
Growing up, financial literacy wasn’t something we talked about at home. My parents never discussed their income with me or each other. I remember every April, they would do their taxes separately and never discussed it aloud at the dinner table. I even remember my mom hiding a bank receipts from me when she went to the ATM to check her balance. I had my first job around 13/14 years old but immediately spent the earnings without anyone really giving me direction or mentioning the importance of savings accounts. We had piggy banks with coins. Allowances were given here and there, nothing consistent. I also do remember my parents complaining about paying for my older sibling’s weddings, apartments, and college tuition.
My great-uncle died a few years before I started college and set up a Trust for me to put toward my college education costs. I fell into what’s called “the muddy middle”. Not poor enough to qualify for more financial assistance and not rich enough to avoid loans. So the college sent me a pretty package and I was so blurred by the acceptance letter that I wasn’t seeing straight.
I took the offer. The cost to attend college was something like $35,000/ year for a private, liberal arts college education. It felt incredibly prestigious to attend such an institution and to be offered the opportunity. I was going to study Economics and Business and either go to Law School or get an MBA. I had a plan and the college supported it. Or at least, I thought they did.
My parent’s divorced during my freshman year of HS. That meant the next 3 years of HS, I had major daddy issues and latched onto my high-school sweetheart. This is hard to admit. I considered myself “fiercely independent” but that's because I didn't think my parents cared about me anymore. My motto was “if no one is going to care, you gotta care about yourself”. I thought that meant leaving home early and getting an apartment with my boyfriend- pretend to be grown ups with him. He already dropped out of school and taught himself to become a network engineer, earning plenty to support himself. I moved in with him before the end of my senior year of high school, after I was already accepted to college. He chose to keep working.
The money my uncle left me only lasted me through my first semester. The second semester my grades were still decent and I received grants and scholarships. I lived off-campus which was forbidden at the time so I lied to tell them I lived with my mom at home.
I started paying rent and got a part-time job on top of full-time school and that’s where things got ugly. I wasn’t studying as much, our relationship was very toxic and my grades fell. I picked up another job (2 PT jobs) and my grades plummeted. By 2nd year, I didn’t qualify for financial aid like scholarships or grants.
I remember walking into a fancy board room at the Student Union with several other women of colour as a seminar began about financial literacy. Everything about it was strange. I wasn’t taught how to live within my means, or how to negotiate higher salaries at work (come to think of it, no one was taught anything about work environments — we were academic scholars!). Navigating the financial loans and grant department felt like being left in some dark corner to find something to qualify for and apply blindly. I had lovely advisors but was so young and dumb, anything they said went straight over my head. I was exhausted from study plus 2 jobs and I was completely lost in navigating the muddy middle. My mom was also confused about how to navigate the system; FAFSA applications were confusing for non-English speakers and grant applications were even worse. Surely, my parents were racking up their own debt.
I don’t blame the school.
I don’t blame myself either.
This is a systematic issue.
I was playing the long-game and decided debt was the short-term solution.
While the bank guy told us our options, I just remember looking around at the table of young women thinking, do I even know what I’m doing? Signing my name to another sheet of paper seemed fine. So I signed my life away, no questions asked.
It wasn’t until I worked at a real estate attorney’s office did I realise what happened (6 months out of college, when loans kick in). This was the time of the 2007–2008 housing bubble and I worked for the bank’s attorney. We hosted families who were signing mortgages and deeds they couldn’t afford. My heart sank.
I live with this guilt today every month when I have to send $1,000 USD home to pay Navient for these f*cking loans! Exchange rates, fees, taxes… my younger self was so lost.
So when I hear that US presidential candidates are campaigning on the ticket to reduce our student loan debt, I can’t believe that’s a thing! How did we get ourselves here? How did I mess up so bad that now I feel like a liability in any relationship? Without that education, my career path would look very different. I sense I’ll be paying these off for another two decades or something ridiculous.
I feel like a second-class citizen because of the financial risk I’ve taken.
When it comes to financial literacy, I have a hard time preaching to others the right thing when I myself have taken loans, maxed credit cards and am ashamed of the choices I made. But I also feel like I wasn’t given many options. A broken home. A muddy middle. A sharky loan officer. An overworked school counsellor. We need to talk about this more! We are better than this! We owe our future learners more!
If you need help with your loans or looking into debt forgiveness, there are lots of resources out there. Here and here are two articles I found helpful to find the path to lowering your debt in the US. Unfortunately, I’m not too familiar with the financial aid support in New Zealand but my guess is, we’re not that different. Here is an RNZ article busting some myths in Aotearoa New Zealand.
I know many people are in the same or worse situation. I hope by sharing my story you feel more open to share yours or seek help. Or if you know someone struggling with financial literacy, listening to their journey might be just the help they need. Lend an ear. Thanks for reading!
