The Overweight Lovers in the House

It’s Me, A gan.
Aug 8, 2017 · 7 min read

Since learning about the news of Usher paying women settlements over herpes allegations another woman and the first to come out publicly, by the name of Quantasia Sharpton, came forward yesterday about her one night stand with the singer. Sharpton, who tested negative for the STD, alleged that Usher put her sexual health in jeopardy, and against her will, by not revealing the fact he was infected when they had sex. Her reasoning for coming out now, despite testing negative? She wanted to spread awareness and wants to be compensated for her rights being violated.

After sharing her story at the press conference, Sharpton’s lawyer stated from the podium that at least one of her clients tested positive and that many of the women who came forward about being intimate with Usher admitted to having unprotected sex with the singer since the year of 2012, which was the same year he paid his first settlement of $1.1 million to the first woman who came out about testing positive.

Allegedly, Sharpton is one of two women and a man who have begun the legal process to sue Usher for not revealing the fact he had an STD, before unprotected sex. Sharpton’s lawyer Lisa Bloom justified their innocence on the fact that Usher was a “revered celebrity in their eyes who they believed could be loved and trusted,” and while I believe that—if the allegations are true—he’s wrong, I also believe that statement is utter and complete bullshit; but I’m not here to critique grown folk’s sexual choices.

The fact is, all around it’s a fucked up and messy situation. As a person with dear friends who are infected with herpes and have been due to the lack of communication and honesty on behalf of their partner, I feel for the ones whose sex lives are now altered. I hope that if Usher is positive, he repents and is honest about his status going forward because despite the fact that herpes is a common STD and that we all probably know someone with it, people deserve the right to make their own choices pertaining to their sexuality and sexual health. But I also recognize the irresponsibility and naiveté that many people such as Usher’s (and other celebrity) fans were/ are consumed by. Celebrities and notable person(s) who look nice on television aren’t exempt from experiencing real life human shit and trauma. You can’t look at a person and expect to see STDs. And you damn sure can’t look at person and conclude that they aren’t capable of manipulation and dishonesty.

The fact that those who slept with Usher, unprotected, weren’t responsible for their health because of his notoriety is an issue. No social status should be above your sexual health status. Yes, for him to allegedly sleep with people unprotected, while not telling them he had a STD is beyond problematic. It’s cruel, unfair, and punishable. But do those who consented to unprotected sex have any responsibility? Did no one think to ask about his sexual health or mention theirs? Furthermore, do we as sexual beings only repeat facts about sexual education, while stigmatizing those infected, only to not practice it for ourselves? While herpes can be contracted with condoms, it seems to me that their was a lack of thought about safety. I’m not judging, it happens. I’ll be the first to admit, raw sex is more fulfilling (and it prevents that rubber ducky smell afterwards). But to not take accountability for your choice to not be protected while engaging in intercourse with a celebrity is odd to me. We live in times where sexuality isn’t just about freedom, it’s about safety. I wish we could live in a world where people didn’t contract diseases from actions meant to be rooted in pleasure. I wish STDs/STIs were something of the past; as in my own conspiracy theory their roots seem to be nothing more than a drive to control human sexuality. But again, I am not here to give sex Ed to grown folks or give my unsupported theories. I’m here because Quantasia Sharpton is fat.

This morning I had a debate with a friend who sent me a snapchat of an article in which Quantasia Sharpton talked about how she wouldn’t have risked her health –saying that her health is important to her–had she known of Usher’s STD. My friend felt that, despite Sharpton saying otherwise, she would’ve still had sex with Usher regardless of the fact that he had herpes. My friend was also puzzled at Sharpton’s audacity. Apparently, Sharpton had some nerve to mention her displeasures of having her sexual health risked, while simultaneously being… fat. No pun intended, but there was simply no room for her to be both fat and presumably “unhealthy,” while also caring about the health of her womb; she was only coming forward for money. While I understood the ladder (her coming forward for money), I hated this opinion.

Yesterday evening, I managed to ignore the few memes and social media comments I saw that critiqued and challenged the fact that Usher could and would have sex with a girl who was bigger than him and the women he was expected and known for dating. I just thought “this is what people do,” they troll. But to know that I had actual people within my circle with similar thinking lit a fire within me.

I found my friend’s and others opinions on social media to be surrounded around critiquing Sharpton not because of her character but because of her fat. Between the comments that insinuated Sharpton should’ve been grateful to have sex Usher, (despite the fact that he could’ve possibly gave her a disease, knowingly) to my friend saying she had no right to talk about her caring about her health because of how she looked. The critiques weren’t about her and Usher both being irresponsible or the fact that obviously, she was only suing because Usher had coins. What really got everyone going was her weight and their prejudice. Her being fat didn’t allow her agency to say yes, I am this but I am also that. My friend, who is black and an outspoken supporter of black issues was being hypocritical to me. Not that herpes and murder are the same but the argument that Sharpton couldn’t talk about the fear of her jeopardized sexual health as a fat woman was similar to how white people tell black people we can’t be upset about police brutality when black people kill other black people. The logic is bullshit. Sure, both are an issue but one doesn’t invalidate the other or make the other right. It’s very well that as a fat woman Sharpton should have voice and concern when it comes to her sexual rights.

Despite my surprise, it’s not new news about how we as a society see fat people in our community. And not that it matters, because people should be treated with dignity and respect regardless of color, creed or kin, but it’s funny how we overlook the people we love in our family and friendship circles. Or maybe not. Maybe subconsciously we hate them too, while also hating the Instagram models who use flat tummy teas and surgeries to fulfill unrealistic body goals.

We see fat as lazy, unhealthy, dirty and undesirable, especially for women. In 1987, Heavy D made it cool to be a fat boy with his hit song The Overweight Lover’s in the House. This is not to say that fat men don’t face challenges about how they are viewed but I have heard more positive commentary about fat men than fat women. “Fat men make good line men for football”, “fat men are good protectors or at least put on the illusion”, and “fat men are good for cuddling on those long winter nights”. But as for women? If it isn’t about using them as props for security purposes or something in relation to food, many people don’t have flattering compliments to say in the public, if they do it’s “She’s pretty for a big girl.” And as for these boys, which is majority of this generation (even those over 30 years of age), they would rather deny sleeping with big women or try to exploit them. As for some of us other women, who think we the shit being in our 20s and 150 pounds or so — with cankles and muffin tops in our future — we’d rather remain silent or turn our noises up and join in in the laughter as opposed to defending our sisters. I’m tired.

Seriously, why are we still talking about this shit? We scream about liberty and black liberation and freedom but still hold on to slave narratives and mindsets. Sharpton to us is nothing more than a black mammy who is fat, undesirable and probably cooks a mean Sunday dinner for her and her family, as the “Big Mama,” matriarch of her household. We got to do better.

My fat friends and family are popping as hell and if they wanted to and had shitty morals (which some of them do), they could take your man or your man’s man. They are beautiful, and not just in their face, but in their bodies and how they carry their souls. They are sexual and have desires and deserve to be fucked and wifed and boy, do they get fucked and wifed. And despite what a fuck boy got to say on twitter, the men desire them also because I’ve seen the receipts and the declined marriage proposals for the umpteenth time.

The lesson here for Usher and friends is whether you’re battling your weight or an STD, you can’t just look at someone and declare them healthy or unhealthy, thus determining their rights. Yes, I have some fat family members and friends who have health issues which contributes to and is because of their size. But I also got some skinny diabetics in my family who neglect their health. We don’t know a person or their history with weight by simply looking at them, just like Sharpton couldn’t look at Usher and predict his chances of having herpes. Stop judging people based off what it looks like on the outside. Stop coming for black and brown bodies as black and brown people. Don’t just love people of color when it’s convenient for your twitter feed but love people because you’re a fuckin human with a few confessions of your own, that you don’t want nobody knowing about.