“No Problems in Jamaica, Mon…”

Meah Culpa
Jul 25, 2017 · 5 min read

S. and I recently returned from a glorious week long vacation (sans kids) to the stunning Caribbean paradise of Jamaica. We were fortunate enough to stay at an all inclusive resort nestled within a 500-acre nature preserve on the South Coast of the island. While clear waters and a lush tropical landscape surrounded us, what I found myself most drawn to was the Jamaican culture. The Jamaicans themselves were beyond hospitable and I just adored their language, Patwah. It is an English-based language with strong Creole influences. Even though I didn’t really understand it (especially when they were talking to one another), I loved the way it sounded rolling off their tongues. To top it off, many Jamaicans would seamlessly blend conversation with song and there was no shortage of talented artisans. In short, the culture was fun, a little slower paced, and a refreshing break from busy, and often pessimistic, American culture.

Certain phrases abounded everywhere we went:

“No worries, mon.”

“Hey girl, your tattoo look good. Where you get it?”

“First time to Jamaica? What took you so long, mon?”

“It may get worse before it gets better, but it always gets better.”

However, there was one phrase that stopped me in my tracks.

About half way through our vacation, we were heading off site to a destination called YS Falls. We were packed into a shuttle bus with fellow adventurers like sardines. Our tour guide was making small talk to pass the time as the driver whizzed through a narrow mountain road speckled with villages that were literally right off the side of the road. More than once, I feared for the lives of village pedestrians as the shuttle whizzed on by. Somehow, though, the villagers and the bus seemed to have some sort of mutual understanding that prevented anyone from getting hurt.

It was during this drive that my ears perked up as I heard the tour guide state, “There are no problems in Jamaica, mon. Only situations.”

“YES!”, I thought to myself.

This is a theme I come back to in my yoga classes over and over again. I just don’t have the awesome Patwah lingo to really help drive it home.

Of course, it’s pretty easy to absorb this mindset when one is on a luxury vacation surrounded by fellow vacationers who are all having the time of their lives. On that note, let me fast forward just 24 hours.

*Sidenote: we ate some jerk chicken and salad off site during this excursion.

I’m cruising around on a paddle board all by my lonesome and feeling slightly nauseous after water skiing for the first time in roughly 15 years (surely I can’t be that old, but I digress…). Am I nauseous from the water skiing or is it because my husband has been in the hotel room all morning alternating between bouts of puking and crapping?, I wonder to myself. Another violent grumble of the tummy confirms that I most definitely have whatever it is my husband has come down with.

Careful not to poop on myself, I hastily paddle back to shore and pass all the lovers on the beach and in the pools as I make my way back to the hotel room. I open the doors and inhale the very distinct, sour, utterly unmistakable smell of sickness. That’s all I need to send me to the bathroom and follow my husband’s lead. The remainder of the day is basically the same. We lay on the bed, shades closed to our island paradise, and continue taking turns to the bathroom until it feels like surely there cannot possibly be anything left to come out of us.

So, how does this disgusting story of food poisoning on vacation relate to my new favorite saying, No Problems in Jamaica, Mon… Only Situations”?

Well, there was a time in my life that whenever unexpected or unpleasant circumstances arose, I would take them oh-so-personally. I can vividly remember a family vacation when Magnolia was two and Allman was six months old. I had worked up in my mind the perfect vacation and then reality came smacking me across the face. It rained almost every day, Magnolia got MRSA from a rash the first day and was fussier than ever, Allman slept even worse than he did at home, and on and on. To sum it up, it was a series of unfortunate events that just happened to occur during a family vacation.

So how did I react? I was furious, ill tempered, and pretty miserable to be around. Instead of accepting that sometimes situations just arise and have nothing to do with me, I took it personally. Surely, I thought, God is smiting me and I don’t deserve to have a nice vacation. I realize now how absolutely absurd this was of thinking is, but at that time in my life, I really believed the nonsense my over active mind was spewing at me. I turned a situation that anyone could have come across into a very personal problem.

Fast forward five years to the sour smelling hotel room in Jamaica.

I confess I moaned and grumbled as all physically ill people tend to do. But, here’s the thing… I did not turn it into a problem. Believe me, I could have. Ask anyone who has known me for a while and they will tell you how easily I can turn regular situations into really big problems. This one time though, I fought the urge. I fully accepted the situation as it was, threw up a ton, and pooped even more. S. and I watched hours of MTV (hours that we can never get back) to pass the time. We drank some ginger ale (which is really good in Jamaica, by the way… maybe it’s that it’s sweetened with natural cane syrup?), went to bed early, and woke up feeling a million times better. Yes, we missed pretty much a full day of vacation, but we accepted it, got through it, and moved on. We proceeded with our vacation, careful not to eat any off resort food, and fully enjoyed a couple more days in paradise.

So, No problems in Jamaica, mon… Only situations.“

But, why does this way of thinking have to be unique to Jamaica? Simply put, it doesn’t

Maybe it should be, “No problems in life, only situations.”

I dare you to try going through a day with this mindset and seeing how your perspective changes.

Meah Culpa

Written by

I’m a born again, yoga loving mother doing her best to stay mindful, faithful and present amidst the chaos of raising four actual humans.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade