The Medication Concatenation*

My body never met a side effect that it didn’t like. Seriously, even if a side effect only affects 12% of its users, my body is gonna be like “Score!”

Let’s see…

Prozac — Numb. NumbNumbNumbNumbNumb. Like, “I can’t cry when I’m really sad”numb. I also couldn’t laugh much, but that may have just been a side effect of the depression. It also stopped working after a while.

Wellbutrin — Well, (no pun intended) let’s just say that I looked like I was having a stroke and my husband called 911 in a panic. The hives were kind of awesome, too. Wellbutrin is now listed in my medical records as “DO. NOT. GIVE. TO. HER.” (Probably not in all caps, but hey, awful stuff.)

Klonipin — Will knock me out for HOURS. I think they once gave it to me in the morning during my week in the hospital, and decided that it needed to be a nighttime drug after that. It’s also highly addictive, so seriously don’t take it unless you’re under medical supervision. (Not my side effect, thank the Gods, but #TheMoreYouKnow)

Effexor — Effexor. Effexor. How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.

  • Vision changes (Or maybe it was because I read a zillion & a half pages of literature due to majoring in English. I feel like blaming Effexor, though, because it is the Debil)
  • Nausea, changes in appetite AND weight loss (Goes well with the unintentional diet I started in the Hospital) Kinda-sorta yay; Kinda-sorta boo. But then again, “Whee! skinny jeans!”
  • Dry mouth. Ick
  • (Debilitating) dizziness, headaches and anxiety (Um, it’s supposed to STOP the anxiety, not increase it. Stupid drug)
  • High blood pressure
  • Sleep problems and terribly strange and scary dreams
  • More stuff, too, but this list is getting rather long and boring even to me

So let me tell you about the sleep problems. Not only would I have horrible nightmares — the kind that loop over and over again — I would sometimes wake up in the morning and my world would be spinning. It was so bad that I’d need to grasp on to whichever kitty was sleeping next to me in order to ground myself.​

And the Doctors and Google aren’t kidding that you don’t go cold turkey off an SSRI. I inadvertently did that a couple of weeks ago, and I think it scarred my husband for life. I was having one of those horrible looping dreams again, but I couldn’t wake up out of it. I apparently began screaming and screaming, and my husband had to shake me to wake me up. Once awake, I had unceasing hallucinations as if the world had fragmented into tiny pieces like a broken mirror. There was also some complementary world-spinning that not all the cats in the world could curtail. Put all those things together and you have 18 hours of pure hell and a burning desire to never ever let your Rx refills tempt Murphy by cutting it that close again.

So there you have it. I am apparently the proud owner of drug-resistant depression, and three months out of the hospital I’m still playing the drug roulette to figure out a combination that will work for me. Hope springs eternal, but I’m starting to run out of hope**.

* Thesaurus dot com is my best friend; well, aside from BFF#1 & BFF#2.

** No, I am not experiencing suicidal ideation.***

*** I really like asterisks.