What the heck is work life balance?

It is has become abundantly clear that maintaining a work-life balance wasn’t something I have been focusing on. The majority of my thoughts and actions have only been surrounding my career. Word count, outlines, social media presence, blog posts, articles, this character, and that arc have made up the major roads of my pondering leaving everything else to float around the bubble I was unknowingly creating around myself.
 This past fall I made a conscious decision to pour myself into work partly to achieve my goals, because it was the plan to transition to working full time, and partly as a way to cope with grief I didn’t really feel like I could deal with head on.
 As a result of working too much, and not enjoying my family and down time nearly enough meant I wasn’t managing my own limits in the slightest. I was running myself on empty.

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
 ― Mark Twain

Realizing there is a problem is the first step to fixing it, but solving the problem is something else entirely.
 Everyone has flaws, some of my stars are stubbornness and impatience. Now my stubbornness has proven to be helpful a good part of the time I don’t think I’d be this far without it, honestly.
 I always operated under the rule of thumb that if I was told not to do it, it was probably worth doing.
 I knew by the third grade that I loved books more than anything in the world. Discovering stories became my obsession. I read whatever I could get my hands on and wrote stories of strong kids overcoming impossible problems. My head was planted firmly in the clouds — still is. I believe it’s partly because of my personality. I’m a dreamer, and my mind is often far from my body. Something I see I’ve passed down to my son. But, another side of that it was how I was able to cope with the chaotic environment I was growing up in.
 I struggled a lot through school, especially in math. Summer school and teachers who thought I wasn’t trying, eventually made the whole coscept of school stressful even though I absolutely loved to learn. But, writing stories, creating characters and worlds was always something that came naturally to me. That being said, making a living doing anything else was something I just never considered an option.
 I can’t say I’m very varied. When my hobbies of reading and writing turned into what I did for a living, I never counted for no longer knowing how to have down time.
 What can I do?
 Well, like I said a few paragraphs above being aware of the problem defiantly helps, but it isn’t the entire party.
 My need to allow myself to rest a bit became apparent this Saturday when I was so tired I was in tears at the thought of doing anything at all. So, that night I didn’t let myself work…and, I wanted to climb out of my skin.

“Determination becomes an obsession and then it becomes all the matters.” -Jeremy Irvine

It’s not a secret. I talk to you guys about it all the time. I’m aiming at some height hooks, and I only achieve those goals with a lot of work.

Does that mean I need to constantly keep moving until I reach my goals?
 No, it doesn’t work like, not at all. There is no one big moment. There are only a collection of small moments that build on each other. At least, that’s my current theory.

What the heck does a work-life balance look like?

I’m not sure. But, I think it starts with taking lunches, and dinners, and weekends. My thoughts are also weighing on the fact that trusting myself and my abilities will go a long way.

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Originally published at jaymethescribbler.com on April 13, 2016.

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