A Star Wars Game: Episode VII or Episode IV?

Which films does each of the following paragraphs describe — is it George Lucas’ Episode IV: A New Hope, or is it J. J. Abrams’ Episode VII: The Force Awakens?

Spoiler warning: This has spoilers for all the Star Wars movies, basically (but this game won’t be any fun if you haven’t seen them all anyway)…

The film opens with a Star Destroyer coming into orbit at a desert planet. A black-masked dark lord leads a squadron of stormtroopers from the Star Destroyer to attack a group of freedom fighters. Almost all of them are killed, except for the character in charge of hiding secret data in a droid. The character is captured but the droid escapes.

The main character lives on the desert planet. The character’s parents are no longer around. The character travels around on a floating brown vehicle, and sometimes does business with scavengers. Later, the main character turns out to be an amazing pilot.

A cute droid (the type that helps as a co-pilot on X-Wings) flees for its safety on the same desert planet the main character lives on, and is carrying something critically important to freedom fighters in its memory. The droid is captured by scavengers , but is freed by the main character. The droid and the main character become close friends, since the main character can surprisingly understand all of its adorable little beeps and boops.

People on the desert planet associated with a mysterious old man are killed by stormtroopers. The old man himself is viciously killed with the black-masked dark lord’s red lightsaber due to his involvement with the droid’s secrets.

Han Solo is an unattached scoundrel wanted by dangerous criminals because he messed up during a smuggling operation. He and Chewbacca help the main characters and the droid leave the desert planet, and they work to help get the droid to people who will know what to do with the information it contains. Aboard his ship, the Millennium Falcon, Han Solo brags to the main characters about having made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. Characters hide in the floor compartments when the ship is boarded.

A character on a Star Destroyer is wearing stormtrooper armour, and is attempting to rescue one of the other characters who is being interrogated and held captive. When the captive is surprised at the arrival of a stormtrooper, the character removes his helmet to reveal himself and explain that he has arrived to mount a rescue.

The main characters, along with Han Solo and Chewbacca, find themselves in a bar with many weird aliens and funky music. A lightsaber appears there in a surprising manner. Stormtroopers cause trouble for them there.

An evil military establishment causes the democratically governing inter-planetary Senate to be dissolved.

The evil army of the black-masked dark lord has constructed a massive spherical base capable of dissolving entire planets by firing beams at them. This base has lots of constructed trenches and is defended by many TIE Fighters, but there is a critical weak spot: if X-Wings can get close enough to fly through the trenches and fire on this weak spot, the base can be destroyed.

The main female character is held for interrogation by the black-masked dark lord on the base, but ultimately escapes.

The black-masked dark lord takes orders from a mysterious master who contacts him using a huge over-sized hologram of himself. His face is old and scarred, and he is training the black-masked dark lord in the dark side of the Force.

After the Millennium Falcon arrives at the base, Han Solo and Chewbacca hide from stormtroopers aboard it before sneaking onto the base. Han Solo is involved with pushing someone into a trash compactor on the base.

Thanks to Han Solo engaging and distracting the black-masked dark lord, an X-Wing is able to fire on the base’s weak spot, destroying it.

An important Jedi Master has put himself into self-imposed exile on a remote planet in an attempt to hide from the black-masked dark lord and protect a secret.

…and hopefully by now you will have realized that every paragraph describes both The Force Awakens and A New Hope. Let’s just say J. J. Abrams doesn’t always make the most original movies...

Episode VI or VII bonus: Han Solo and Chewbacca lead a landing party to place explosive charges at a shield generator for the base. When detonated, they lower the defenses of the base, allowing star fighters to get close and attack it. A father has a lightsaber confrontation with his son on the base. By the end of the encounter, one of them is dead.