Getting To Yourself

Nauman M
Nauman M
Mar 8 · 5 min read
Getting to Yourself Book Review

The Golden Rules For Negotiations

  1. Put Yourself in Your
    Shoes. The first step is to understand your worthiest opponent, yourself. It is
    all too common to fall into the trap of continually judging yourself. The
    challenge instead is to do the opposite and listen empathetically for underlying
    needs, just as you would with a valued partner or client.
  • Develop Your Inner
    BATNA. Almost all of us find it difficult not to blame others with whom we come
    into conflict. The challenge is to do the opposite and to take responsibility
    for your life and relationships. More specifically, it is to develop your inner
    BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement), to make a commitment to
    yourself to take care of your needs independently of what the other does or
    does not do.
  • Reframe Your Picture.
    A natural fear of scarcity exists in almost everyone. The challenge is to
    change how you see your life, creating your own independent and sufficient
    source of contentment. It is to see life as being on your side even when it
    seems unfriendly.
  • Stay in the Zone. It
    is so easy in the midst of conflict to get lost in resentment about the past or
    in anxieties about the future. The challenge is to do the opposite and stay in
    the present moment, the only place where you have the power to experience true
    satisfaction as well as to change the situation for the better.
  • Respect Them Even If.
    It is tempting to meet rejection with rejection, personal attack with personal
    attack, exclusion with exclusion. The challenge is to surprise others with
    respect and inclusion even if they are difficult.
  • Give and Receive. It
    is all too easy, especially when resources seem scarce, to fall into the
    win-lose trap and to focus on meeting only your needs. The final challenge is
    to change the game to a win-win-win approach by giving first instead of taking.

How To Tackle The
Problems — Negotiating Yourself

Take Time to think for your problems. even if its sadness or happy, or
be any other emotion dont hide it take it to public and discuss or if you dont
think they are not mature to understand the problem. analyze yourself — by
thinking of the same isssue and think how to solve it

Great Example- — Jamil Mahuad, former president of Ecuador and a Harvard colleague, once shared how he gradually learned to deal with his painful feelings by putting these feelings in the spotlight. “Sadness . . . was not well received by males in my family. When some of my ancestors were really sad, they averted that emotion by expressing anger,” he explained. “I had the same difficulty. Still it is not easy for me to connect with pain, with grief. But by recognizing and bringing this shadow to light, you start incorporating that ‘new’ part into what you are.”

People usually know their position: “I want a 15 percent raise in salary.” Often, however, they haven’t thought deeply about their interests — their underlying needs desires, concerns, fears, and aspirations: Do they want a raise because they are interested in recognition, or in fairness, or in career development, or in the satisfaction of some material need, or in a combination of these?”
“Why do you want the raise?”
“To have more money.”
“Why do you want more money?”
“So I can get married.”
“Why do you want to get married?”
“Because it will bring me love.”
“Why do you want to be loved?”
“To be happy, of course.”
The bedrock desire then, is a universal one: to be loved and happy. This may seem utterly obvious, but uncovering this universal desire can actually open up a new line of internal inquiry. If you don’t get the raise at the level you want, can you still be happy? Does your happiness depend on the raise — or even on the marriage — or does it come from you,”

Some might worry that accepting themselves as they are will diminish the motivation to make positive changes, but I have found that the exact opposite is usually true. Acceptance can create the sense of safety within which we can more easily face a problem and work on it. As Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic psychology once noted: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I change.

I saw too many people give away their last morsel Of food, their last sip of water to others in need to know that no one can take away the last of our human freedoms — the freedom to choose our own way, in whatever the circumstances.
— DR. VIKTOR FRANKL”

It seems like a simple question — Who is really responsible for our lives? — but somehow the answer eludes us more frequently than we would like. Even though intellectually we know that we are responsible for our words, our actions, and even our reactions, we often look at our lives, wondering how we got where we are and typically find the answer in external factors: “I’m not where I want to be in my career because my boss hates me and has blocked my advancement.” “I can’t travel because I don’t have the money, I live here instead of the city where I really want to live because my family pressured me to stay. In other words, it was not our decision; someone else or some external circumstance is to blame.

In reframing your picture of life, three practices can help, in my experience. First, remember your connection to life. Second, remember your power to make your own happiness. Third, learn to appreciate the lessons that life brings you.

key take always
• take time to think of the most troubling problems and think ofthat problem
• meditate and focus
• work on your key issues that’s the only way you get better
• before you ask for any help
Ex — salary raise — think do you really work hard to deserve this
• Don’t fall in others shoe- it’s your life — you make the choices. Don’t like move on?
• Don’t like the place you stay? Don’t like the job? Loser lifestyle? well i control my life, i could turn around how i wish to, just have to work on it- to deserve
• Very little in life may be under our full control, but the choice between yes and no is ours to make at any moment. We can choose to say yes or no to ourselves, to be either our best ally or our worst opponent. We can choose to say yes or no to life, to treat life either as friend or foe. We can choose to say yes or no to others, to relate to them either as possible partners or implacable adversaries. And our choices make all the difference.
• Getting to yes with yourself makes possible three kinds of wins — a win within, a win with others, and a win for the whole.


Originally published at Mediabloger.

    Nauman M

    Written by

    Nauman M

    Tech And Markeing Nerd. love for Media. Write Here On Books Blogs,articles, Thoughts and Life Hacks . http://mediabloger.com

    Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
    Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
    Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade