Willpower Doesn’t Work. Here’s How to Actually Change Your Life.
Benjamin P. Hardy

I am into a sort of take 1 step at a time — -when i was younger i used to basically make a leap. (i m ight run away etc to change my environment because of many factors — not just the more common problems with parents — had some of those — -but also other people who happenned to be in same environment (house or home — -it was supposedly my home more than people who moved in there, but they would treat me sometimes like an unwanted guest if m y parents werent there or else just as someone they could manipulate since i was stupid). but after running or just bailing ship you end up starting from zero which is at a disadvantage — jump from the frying pan into the fire — its no different just going someplace you know like home. try to make a plan for jumping ship on good terms and also with some preperations (i sometimes would leave with just what i was wearing and then later i would get 5$ and have my guitar and a few clothes so i could at least get started using public transport. i could go from east coast to west coast and down to guetmala just with that seed capital. now i’m in a sort of bad environment — most people i know are drug and alcohol addicts who i met through music scen e (which is loaded with people like that — -many people who started being interested in music, but competition is steep and requires alot of discipline even if its just pop or punk or rap music. u have to practice, show up when you have a gig, and so on. there are so many temptations to not do that, most people give up — or at best be people who pay to see musicians, rather than get paid playing music. Many people say i should move out of this area — i cant barely walk a block before i run into someone who wants to ‘hang out’. For now the main thing i’m changing is my env ironment is not my physical space, but who can come in here. Also since it was basically trashed by alot of people having what they call ‘fun’ — breaking my computer, selling my instruments , taking food and money etc im putting it back the way it was for a period at least until i decide whether i can keep it this way or instead i have to go since its a losing proposition — anytime i get half organized people may notice that and decide using ‘crab bucket ethics’ (we should use solidarity, and all decide lets stay down in the gutter together, all happy together, and fight, squabble, kill, go in and out of jail, etc. They may be correct — its just as good to go to jail as go to the mountains for a hike. to each their own.) 
 everything is an addiction — -i have mine (sciences, math, music, nature) and others have religion, mindfulness, meditation, k2, opiates, weed , booze , cheap prostitutes. maintianing any of tem requires disciplin e — -hustlers around here up all nite. the kind of hikes i used to do and occasionally stil do are basically a 24/7 gig — — and its good to be prepared for those. i’m a minimlaist so i basically need a map, mathes and lighters, a piece of plastic for a tarp, and a few other things. good to go. and not coming back either to the same environemnt. if i come back here its going to be my improved environment — not someone else ‘s defintion of fun.

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