HOLIDAY HUMBUGS AND HARANGUES
Christmas Tears and Fears: 5 Yuletide Things I Can Do Without
Come on, I’m talking to you!
Eggnog
I look at eggnog with the same culinary skepticism with which I view the McRib sandwich. Many celebrate it, eagerly anticipating its annual arrival. But if it’s so gobsmackingly delicious, why don’t we drink it year round?
Don’t hand me any “special occasion” platitudes.
Bullshit!
We live in a culture of commerce. If Southern Comfort could successfully hawk nog in July, it would be stocked on Target shelves right beside the sunscreen and board shorts.
The appeal is in the tradition, not the taste. Sure, eggnog smells delicious. So does burning charcoal on a grill. Doesn’t mean your guests will be licking their lips for seconds if you load up their brioche buns with smoldering coals.
As for the flavor of eggnog? It tastes much like it sounds — like the mix of draining phlegm and rising vomit that converge in your throat during a particularly violent gagging episode. It’s essentially Anaphylaxis in a canister. The only upside is? It tastes essentially the same going down as it does coming up. Which it likely will as a result of the copious quantities of rum…
