Dear Hyapatia,
 My lady is new to smoking pot. I’ve been a smoker for years and have tried to get her to try it, but it wasn’t until she got fired that she felt she could safely use. She gets wasted after just a half a joint. I wish I could do that! It has really helped our sex life. We’ve done things that we’ve never done before, and we’ve been together for six years! I just wanted to let people know that if they want to improve their sex lives, and one of them doesn’t smoke, getting them to start will probably heat things up. — Don

Dear Don,
 I’m glad you and your lady are enjoying renewed sexual excitement. It’s so unfair when a job prevents us from doing what we want in our off-time. Cannabis can heighten the sexual experience in so many ways. We can relax and focus on our lover and the sensations flowing through our bodies. If you want to get high like your lady does on less pot, just take a short break from toking up. Even if it’s just a day or two off from using, you’ll find that you get higher faster when you start again.

Dear Hyapatia,
 I caught my man jacking off to a website last night. I know he’s like all men and likes to look at good-looking women, but I didn’t think he’d visit a site like this. There was a live girl who wasn’t wearing much and they were having a conversation. Is this cheating? Do I have a right to be upset? I feel betrayed. — Paige

Dear Paige,
 There are many things to consider here. First of all, are you in a committed relationship and have you gone over all that might entail? Have you laid down ground rules for sex with others, men’s clubs, adult videos and the like? If these issues haven’t been discussed, he may believe his behavior was acceptable. Half a century ago, men’s magazines, porno movie houses, and strip joints weren’t as prevalent. Now we have live, interactive, sexually explicit entertainment on demand in our homes via the Internet, as well as a host of other options. It can be challenging for those in a relationship to maneuver this minefield safely without causing bruised feelings. The only solution is communication! If his interests bother you and they’re impacting your relationship in a negative way, then spell out the rules so they can be easily understood and followed. That being said, there are times in a relationship when people may look for other stimuli. If you cannot fulfill all of his needs, you might consider that his Internet “activities” may not be a sign of infidelity. He may just be enjoying a safe sexual fantasy now and then.

Dear Hyapatia,
 My girlfriend has a dog. When we have sex at her house, he gets up on the bed. He tries to get us to stop. I’ve suggested we give the dog some edibles so he’ll chill out and leave us alone, but she won’t do it. My solution is to just not go to her place, but she’s not down with that. Should I just slip the dog a pot brownie when she isn’t looking? — Dwayne

Dear Dwayne,
 I have sympathy for your situation, but I totally disapprove of your idea to dope the dog. First of all, edibles are not safe for animals. You could easily overdose the dog and I’m sure your girlfriend wouldn’t be happy if you hurt her beloved pet. Secondly, chocolate is poisonous to dogs. Try making friends with him by bringing delicious treats (that are not laced) and giving him attention so he gets to know you better. Or you could just try closing the door to the bedroom.

Dear Hyapatia,
 I have a new boyfriend. He’s really sweet and I love him. He treats me much better than my last couple of boyfriends did! Sex with him is good — no problems — but he did something the other night that no one has ever done before. He started sucking on my toes. I didn’t know how to react. He’s given me foot massages before and I’ve always loved them and wished my other boyfriends had done that for me. But now that I know he has a foot fetish, I feel kind of weird about it. Should I stop letting him massage my feet? — Rita

Dear Rita,
 No. If you enjoy his foot massages and he enjoys giving them to you, why stop? The word “fetish” is problematic. Most women and men are attracted to different aspects of the opposite sex (or in the same sex). Legs, behinds, breasts, strong arms, graceful curves all have their fans. Does being turned on by a specific body part constitute a fetish? You decide. Having said that, guys with foot fetishes are some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. The ones I’ve known — and it’s quite a common thing — are very respectful and loving to women. Let him have his fun. Relax and enjoy the foot massages and how they make you feel. If he does something you don’t like, let him know. But if it’s just a new sensation that you’re not sure about, allow yourself time to decide if you’re enjoying it or not. Society has tried hard to control the sexuality of people for thousands of years. As stoners, we have an opportunity to use cannabis to open our own minds and discover what’s acceptable for ourselves and what’s not. If no one is being hurt by a particular activity, how can it be harmful?

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