Let’s Rewind: 3

Let’s rewind.

Before a new job, a weird boy who was relentlessly chasing her and a corner full of household appliances, she was in a dark place. Maybe she was still in that place when she started her new job. After all, when traumatic things happen in life, it can be hard to just put those things behind you and be ready for a fresh start.

She had been working a small retail store in the mall close to her home. It was her senior year of high school, she was making a little bit of pocket money and it kept her busy most weeks. She had just started a few weeks prior, and had noticed a tall, dark, handsome guy who was built like a quarter back. They exchanged gazes on the regular and she didn’t mind. She wanted to know more about him; what was his name? How old was he? She wondered if he had a girlfriend. The only way to find out was to go right up to him and ask. “Hey! What’s your name?”. They exchanged names, hobbies and even a couple of jokes.

They were almost always working the same night/closing shifts together. The more shifts they spent together, the more time she spent laughing and folding clothes with him.

A few weeks passed, and she found out some ugly news. He did have a girlfriend! At least that’s what she heard. And it didn’t make it any better that his girlfriend was someone she knew and went to elementary school with…that also worked in the store.

The truth is, she didn’t care. He was hot, funny, charming, and had muscles that could put any other guys to shame. She was interested and didn’t care about the cost. So she went for it, full force.

Please know, the decision to pursue this man would haunt her for years. She was young, still a virgin and had planned to save it for marriage. He knew where she came from. She loved Jesus, she loved to sing and she grew up in the church. Her family values were nothing like his and he would promise her over and over that it didn’t matter, but in the end…it did matter.

They dated on and off for about a year. Her parents hated him and he hated her parents. It didn’t take long for him to realize that it would never work between them, but he didn’t want to hurt her..so he lived a double, maybe even a triple life. He was one way with her, one way with his other girl friends, and another way around his family.

He couldn’t keep his triple life a secret for long. The longer she spent around him, the more suspicious she got. Random Facebook friend requests and girls writing on his wall. She would walk down the mall with him and it seemed like her knew every single girl that turned the corner. He assured her they were just friends, every single one..that he had worked in the mall for so long that he made friends with everyone. She believed it. He was a likable guy. But things got stranger.

Soon, random girls would be showing up at her job to visit him. He started showing up to her house with different cars, he claimed were his mothers. He stopped answering his phone, answering his text messages and the only time he could make time for her was in the middle of the night, where she would have to steal her dads car to go and see him.

She liked him so much. She even thought she was in love, so she put up with all of it. He would tell her she was fat, and he would make her look at a picture of Adriana Lima or some other model and told her that’s who she needed to look like. He constantly criticized her body, her clothes and her hair. That was only the tip of the iceberg.

One night he had called her and asked her to come spend the weekend at his college dorm campus with him. She absolutely 100% knew that her parents were NOT going to go for this, so she needed a plan. She told her mom she would be spending the weekend at a friends house. She felt like it wasn’t a total lie, since she did end up going to her friends house for a little bit. But once she was finished hanging out with her friends, she hopped on the train and rode it all the way to the bronx. It was the creepiest train ride ever. It was late, and the subway stalkers were out. She got to her stop and notices there was a man circling her and watching her. As soon as things got a bit too scary, he showed up to pick her up to bring him back to his dorm room.

They spent the first night together. Nothing happened. She wasn’t ready to make that kind of physical commitment to someone. They laughed, spoke and kissed. They even slept in separate beds. Everything felt right to her.

The second night came around. He was asking for more. “If you love me, you will have sex with me”. She was confused. She thought everything was alright and he would be respectful of her choices. She also wanted so badly for him to love her back. “I can’t, I’m not ready.”. He was pissed. “If you’re not going to give it up to me, I know a ton of people who will”. His words echoed in her ears. Loud. Escalating. She couldn’t turn it off. Was he taking advantage of her? Did he love her so much that he wanted to have sex with her? Was he using her? She had never had sex with anybody. She never even thought about it. The whole evening, he ignored her. He left her in his dorm room all alone for hours. When nighttime came, he was still gone. When he did decide to come back, he was still giving her the cold shoulder. The ultimatum was still on the table. She knew that if she agree’d, it would make him happy. She also knew that if she agree’d to have sex with him, it’s something she would never be able to take back.

“I’ll do it..but you have to be careful. I’ve never done this before”

His eyes lit up in almost disbelief. He didn’t love her or have any plans of marrying her. He wanted her because she was pure, young and for the lack of a better word, naive. He knew he could take advantage of her, and that’s exactly what he did.

She didn’t know where to start. She awkwardly took every piece of clothing off she had on, tripping while taking her foot out of her pants and tossing them to the side. He laid her on his bed and told her it would be quick, painless and fun.

Quite the contrary.

He was on top of her, holding her arms together at her head, with his knees on her thighs. “Ok, please, stop, this hurts, let’s take a break, this doesn’t feel good”. He didn’t listen to her. He didn’t care about her needs or what felt good to her. He was more concerned about his needs in that very moment, and to him, she was just an opportunity.

“Stay still, it will be fine, I’m almost done”

“You're hurting me….”

In reality, this whole thing probably took around 4 minutes total. To her, it felt like 10 years. 10 years of desperate pleas to stop and slow down. His knees that were buried into her thighs left huge bruises that she wasn’t sure how she was going to hide. Her body felt sore. She was fighting. She only told him to stop once, so maybe it was her fault. Maybe he didn’t understand that she was in pain. Maybe he did. She felt emotional. But she buried it deep.

She made this decision and now she had to live with it.

……to be continued…