Being There
“As long as we feel safely held in the hearts and minds of the people who love us, we will climb mountains and cross deserts and stay up all night to finish projects.”
-Bessel Van Der Kolk
In an interview with Vanity Fair, veteran actor Bill Nighy talks about some memorable roles he has played in his career.
For the role of the father in the movie ‘About Time’ he says he was inspired by the role of Dashiell Hammett played by Jason Robards in the movie Julia. Nighy says:
“(…) and he’s not a big part, but he made a great impression on me because he was just kind of there, he was around. And they would go off and do brave and heroic things all over the world during the Second World War, and they’d come back, he’d be making a fire on the beach, and he was just there.”
Nighy played the role exactly as he had envisioned. That is what makes the character of the father in ‘About Time’ so relatable and lovable. His is a continuous guiding presence, not loud and pushy but kind and mild-mannered. It strikes a chord with innumerable people. Nighy describes his conversations with fans:
“I don’t own a car, so I walk everywhere, so I meet a lot of people, and the one they mostly talk to me about now, and a lot of young people talk to me about now, is ‘About Time’.”
There is a particularly moving scene between the father and son towards the end of the movie which Nighy talks about:
“There aren’t many people who can get through that scene. You know reading it for the first time, you know, it moved me tremendously and it always moves me. And people in the street try and tell me about it and get moved while they’re trying to tell me about it.”
There is probably a lesson there. There is a reason behind this almost universal feeling of deep love experienced by the audience while watching that scene. That scene reminds us of the people, family, or others, who have played an important role in our lives. The enormous contribution of a kind and supportive caregiver in a child’s life cannot be overstated.
In the lives of our children, that is probably the role that we are meant to play. We are meant to be there. Not to chide and goad. But to wipe tears, share happy moments, and provide gentle guidance. To help our children become the people they are meant to be, however different that may be from who we are. We are meant to provide a wise and constant presence in their lives.
