Of Gloves and Love
“To love somebody is not just a strong feeling- it’s a decision, it’s a judgement, it’s a promise.”
-bell hooks
There is a famous poem by James Henry Leigh Hunt (1784–1859), the English poet, essayist, and journalist, titled ‘The Glove and the Lions’.
In the poem, King Francis and the nobles from his court sat watching the royal lions fighting each other. The lions were having a fierce battle in a pit down below, while the lords and ladies watched from a safe height. It was a frightening scene:
“The bloody foam above the bars came whisking through the air;
Said Francis then, ‘Faith, gentlemen, we’re better here than there.”
Hearing the King say this, a young lady among the spectators came up with an ill-advised plan. She believed that the Count de Lorge, who was in love with her, would go to any lengths to prove his love for her. In this dangerous situation, she saw an excellent opportunity for the Count to do something brave for her and thus publicly display his devotion to her. Without taking the Count into her confidence, she announced to the king and all others that she would throw her glove into the arena and Count de Lorge would go and fetch it for her. “Great glory will be mine,” she said.
As everybody looked on, the Count accepted the challenge. In a flash, and at great risk to his life, he retrieved the glove from the midst of the sparring lions.
“The leap was quick, return was quick, he has regained his place,
Then threw the glove, but not with love, right in the lady’s face.”
In that one selfish move, the lady had revealed to the Count her true nature. There was no longer any love in his gestures toward her. The King, too, very rightly judged the young lady’s intentions.
“ ‘No love,’ quoth he, ‘but vanity, sets love a task like that’ “
It is a short poem, but I admire the way it describes what love is NOT.
Love means looking out for the welfare of the one we love. It does not involve dangerous, elaborate, or repeated self-administered tests of loyalty. It doesn’t require our loved ones to jump through hoops to please us.
I do not mean to say that help, understanding, time, attention, and empathy should not be asked for and expected when they are needed. Expressing those needs is essential in any healthy relationship. But when the making of demands or the fulfilling of demands becomes one-sided, then the relationship requires work.
There is another lesson in the poem that we should not miss. Author and poet Maya Angelou has said:
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
The Count, who was previously besotted with the lady, understood her lack of concern for his safety. He changed his mind about her. We sometimes find this difficult to do. We go on believing people’s words while their actions are telling us a whole different story. Accepting harsh truths about the world is part of our growth.
The poem is beautifully written. And it is also a reminder that every action that people try to pass off as a form of love, may not be the real thing.
