Strong and silent
“You’re not hurt, Watson? For God’s sake, say that you are not hurt!” It was worth a wound — it was worth many wounds — to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation.
-Arthur Conan Doyle (The Adventure of the Three Garridebs)
I was in school when I first read this particular story written by Arthur Conan Doyle. In it, Sherlock Holmes’s trusted companion is nearly hit by a bullet. Holmes gets really agitated about the safety of his friend and asks him how he is. This show of deep concern is so out of character for Holmes that Watson makes the above-mentioned remark.
At that young age, I was really moved to read this passage. To see that the usually dismissive Holmes actually cared deeply for Watson. I am still moved by it, honestly.
And subsequently, there were many cinematic stories that I witnessed that repeated the same pattern. The protagonist (often a guy) who, at best, gave occasional attention to the friend/ partner/ sister/ who was always by his side. The role of the hapless companion was to provide comic relief, to appear inept or weak, and to accept ridicule good-humouredly. Only when these companions were under extreme duress, the protagonist materialized and made things right. He even briefly expressed appreciation or love.
Such protagonists were sold to us as the strong, silent, mysterious, internally-struggling types. The friend/ partner/ sister/brother were supposed to rejoice in that once-in-a-lifetime show of affection and carry on with the rest of their lives accepting the snubs and rudeness. All riding on the wave of that single display of affection.
I’m older now and thankfully know better.
We are meant to show love to the people we care for in little ways throughout our life. Through kindness, presence, support, and understanding. It is an endless process. And, in return, it is endlessly fulfilling.
If we keep waiting for the opportunity for a grand gesture to show our affection, we may end up waiting all our lives.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s stories. Still, I wish young people…or even older people could see a greater representation of nurturing relationships in the media. And that neglectful behaviour was not made to look grand or aspirational.
