The Slap: No, Not That One
“Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships.”
-Andrea Dworkin
A lot has been written about the slap on the night of the Oscar awards. The slap that echoed around the world. This post is not about that slap.
Thappad (The Slap) is a 2020 Hindi language movie directed by Anubhav Sinha. It stars Taapsee Pannu, Pavail Gulati, Kumud Mishra, Ratna Pathak Shah, Tanvi Azmi and Dia Mirza among others.
The protagonist of the movie Amrita Sabharwal was a talented dancer. Then she got married. She decided to approach the job of a housewife with as much dedication as she had given to dance.
The movie showed her routinely starting the day much before anyone else. She truly enjoyed the role she found herself in. She happily went about her morning chores. She lovingly added multiple ingredients to her husband Vikram’s morning tea. She didn’t know how to cook, but she tried to learn it anyway. She followed her husband to the car with his office stuff and urged him to take another bite of the stuffed parantha when he had a tough day ahead. She lost herself in the maintenance of the household and her happiness became completely intertwined with her husband’s.
Then Vikram went through a stressful episode at work. He was trying for promotion and Amrita supported him all the way. He seemed to get what he wanted and threw a party to celebrate his achievement. Amrita rejoiced at his success as much as he. In the midst of these celebrations, he was suddenly informed that he would have to make a compromise at work that he found undesirable. He was furious and, in his anger, slapped Amrita.
An insignificant thing
The sad truth about crises is that they reveal to us some truths that can never again be unseen or forgotten.
As Amrita described later on in the movie, the slap changed her perspective towards her apparently perfect and happy married life. Over the course of the next few days, people around her took positions that she had not anticipated. Her mother-in-law and mother both were of the opinion that women have to make many adjustments to keep the marriage functioning. Forgiving and forgetting an instance of domestic violence was just one of those adjustments, according to them. (The tagline of the movie is ‘Bas itni si baat?’ meaning ‘Just an insignificant thing’.
Amrita’s husband never apologized for his unacceptable behaviour. Like an overgrown child, he first tried to win her sympathy by complaining of a non-existent headache. Then he explained why he was upset and why Amrita should understand what he was going through. Clearly, he was not accustomed to taking responsibility for his actions.
For Amrita, issues that had gone unnoticed in the past suddenly got thrown into high relief. How her preferences had been long forgotten, how her constant effort towards the maintenance of the household was all but invisible, how her own health was of no concern to anyone but herself. (Earlier there was a scene in the movie when she sat alone in the quiet of the night and applied an ointment on her foot. Her foot had been paining for days and she had been hobbling around. Yet, it hadn’t earned her a respite from housework).
She understood that the love that she seemed to receive from her mother-in-law till now had nothing to do with who she was as a person. It was a form of approval for a daughter-in-law, who, day and night did what was expected of her. The moment Amrita decided to stand up for herself, she was given clear indications that such self-respect was not welcome. The status quo had to be maintained at all costs. This is similar to a situation described by author Susan Cain in her most recent book Bittersweet:
“She can be herself or be loved but she can’t be both.”
Amrita realized that over time her husband had come to think of her as a person who could be slapped. And his family members took the role of silent supporters by never pointing out his mistake to him.
She saw all the joy go out of her life. She went through the motions of housekeeping day after day. The contrast with her earlier joyful self was starkly clear to the viewers. She found it difficult to respect herself by continuing to live as if nothing had happened. She decided to stay at her parents’ house and figure out what was the next best step.
The unlikeliest people came forward to support her. Her widowed neighbour who had had a very loving relationship with her husband felt Amrita’s pain. As did Amrita’s brother’s girlfriend. Amrita’s father, though a quiet and easy-going person, supported her.
Vikram got offended by what he saw as unjustified abandonment of the family by Amrita. He and his very affluent family hired a powerful lawyer. Together they tried everything they could to get Amrita to return to her husband’s house.
Amrita was left with no choice but to file for divorce. Despite all the mud slung on her by Vikram and his lawyer, she insisted that she wanted no money from them. She just wanted her freedom.
As she told her lawyer, it was her firm belief that Vikram did not have the right to slap her. Not even once. All that she had wanted all her life was happiness and respect. That is what she was fighting for. To be able to live in an environment where she was respected and was happy.
The glimpses of hope
Amrita’s parents dealt with a similar situation in the very opposite manner. Their son got into an altercation with his girlfriend and was forcibly leading her out of the house. Amrita’s father was furious and immediately interrupted him. Both the parents refused to listen to any explanations from their son and demanded that he apologize to his girlfriend. That scene depicted the influence a family’s behaviour has in cases of domestic violence. They can be silent supporters or vociferous opponents.
Later in the movie, though unbeknownst to her, Vikram’s boss supported Amrita. He clearly told Vikram that the mess he found himself in was his own fault. He explained in a firm, though kind, manner that slapping one’s wife is not acceptable. The family needs to be cherished.
Amrita’s bold decision to value herself changed the course of several lives. Her lawyer and her maid-servant who were both in abusive relationships felt a renewed surge of self-respect. Even Amrita’s brother grew to respect his sister’s resolve and his girlfriend’s point of view. Unlike Vikram, he offered his girlfriend a sincere apology for his misbehaviour.
Why should you watch this movie?
This movie may seem to be a movie about feminism and about domestic violence. However, I believe it will speak to all people who were ever made to feel they had no right to ask for respect. Those people who were made to feel that they would have to give up on self-respect to continue to be part of a system and to maintain the status quo. And who have felt the wrath of the system when they made any attempt to step away from a situation that threatened their dignity.
The movie gives a nuanced picture of the inequality that is ingrained in society. The brilliant acting by the cast brings the story to life. It is a beautiful example of art showing society a mirror. It is a movie that should not be missed.
