A Woman Made History
…and many women didn’t feel comfortable talking about it.
An amazing thing happened this week. After 240 years, our country nominated a female for a major party in the presidential race.
We knew it was going to happen. Bernie conceded awhile back, and we’ve been expecting it. But, overwhelmingly…what I think a lot of us DIDN’T expect, was how we felt allll the emotions, watching history.
I’ve never watched a roll call before. Ever. But, I happened to flip on the livestream, so I could “listen to it in the background” as I worked. Except, I physically couldn’t work, suddenly. I was ugly crying like a crazy person, sobbing.
I kept trying to compose myself, “Hold it together, Hanna. What the hell?”
Then, a 102-year-old woman came on the screen. The biggest smile I’ve ever seen in my life. And…I was done-zo.
My mom walked in and asked what happened. She sat down and started watching. We kept googling primary results, to see if delegates had switched to Bernie or not. But, overwhelmingly…more delegates had switched to Hillary. My mom was shaking, she kept saying, “Oh my God…it’s happening! It’s happening!”
I just kept thinking about myself, “What is wrong with you??? Stop crying. It’s OK.”
Then I looked at my mom, and remembered her telling me I could be president someday. I remember being cast as a “judge” in our 7th grade play…and thinking, “I don’t think girls are supposed to be judges…” and being really self conscious. I remember watching Bush, Gore, Clinton, etc…in a row, and feeling contempt for my mother for telling me that I COULD be anything I wanted, that I could be president someday, because obviously it was all just a wish, and a lie. I became so cynical, that I found myself being the one, in 2008, to say to friends, “Nah….the U.S. won’t be ready for a woman president for decades, I can’t even express an opinion in a meeting without being called ‘aggressive’ or ‘emotional.” I scoffed at the idea. Probably, because I didn’t want to have hope…that same hope I had when I was a kid, that was lost along the way. Because sometimes it hurts to have hope, and never see it happen.
Over the course of the week, messages started to trickle in from friends of mine. Some Hillary backers, some not. But all with the same message, “We did it. We’re doing it. How is this real? Can a woman really be president? I’m watching this with my daughter!!!”
Soon, those messages evolved into, “I want to post something public, I’m so happy!!!” Then the next round of messaging, sounding defeated, “The more I think about it, the more I’m not ready to go public. What if some dude shits on this day? I feel safer just talking to women about it.”
So the celebrations continued, with snapchat parties, and private group texting, facebook group messages, and quick phone calls to scream together.
Alone.
Safe.
In a little corner of the web, where the dudes and trolls couldn’t find us.
Now, don’t get your boxers in a bundle, guys. Of course I’m not talking about “all men.” A lot of you are awesome, supportive, and cool. Thank you for that!
But, I couldn’t help but notice, there was this, “But…” trend, even amongst the supporters…as if you were ashamed of straight up saying you were proud of watching history.
“I’m excited that this is historic…but…”
“Congrats, ladies…although…”
“We did it! The first female nominated, it’s about time! But, ugh…”
Slowly, over the course of the night, I saw women who were ecstatic, reduced to quiet celebrations in solidarity. No more exclamation points. Just, “Well, we did it.” You could see the outside influence taking place. A few women said, “Ya know what? Fuck it! I’m going public! This is history, dammit.” Then, would come back telling us about getting lectured about policy, emails, or the fact that she didn’t smile enough.
She.
Didn’t.
Smile.
Enough.
And I thought to myself, “Yup, she’s finally allowed to be angry…to be the badass. Because she’s giving this speech for every goddamn one of us that has been told when they are passionate…they seem… ‘angry’.”
I looked at the facebook walls of men I know who support women in every day life.
Not many peeps supporting tonight. I wondered if they were too embarrassed. Maybe they just didn’t care?
And I thought to myself, “Well, maybe it’s not that they don’t care about us…or history, maybe they don’t like HER. It’s ok…”
But, I stopped…and realized, NO.
NO IT’S NOT OK.
This is more than about HER.
This is about HISTORY.
This is about US.
Supporting women.
I mean, I honestly think…I’ve shown more enthusiasm at a super bowl party, than most men showed tonight for history being made after 240 years of male only nominees.
Do I like football? Nope. I hate it. But, I support you, and what you like.
Do you need to like Hilllary? Nope. But, do you support me, your nieces, daughters, and other women…reaching a new historic milestone? AWESOME! Please tell us, without the downer crap disclaimers to follow…we GET IT, YOU DON’T LIKE HERRRRRRRR, we’ve seen alllllll of your posts.
Think of it this way.
I don’t go around saying, “I’m so glad you’re team won the Super Bowl! But….I wish that player wasn’t a piece of shit that beats his girlfriend, and that the NFL wasn’t such a bully of an organization that craps on people for profits…and…let me tell you how I feel about…”
Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as, “Yes! We won! A game!” A fucking football game! A game we see EVERY FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEK. But, we know it means SO MUCH TO YOU, that we care, too. Because we care about you, more than we care to hate the game.
So yes, please — don’t celebrate with me, because you think she’s not perfect. Despite HISTORY being made. No problem.
I’ll just hang out here in my private text messages.
Pretending like maybe the men who give a shit, are just as scared to post as women are.
So guys, please — make space for a little celebration, without a disclaimer at the end? 240 years. Think about how excited you get once a year for the super bowl, or march madness, a concert, or seeing that old friend. That’s every year. This is once, in our lifetime. Ever.
And if you see some douchebag hammering on a woman who’s celebrating online or in person? Help us fight? Because dammit, we’re tired of fighting. We won this week. We want to celebrate.
Thank you. :)
