222 too much Orange

Happy New Year everyone. A day of resolution making, diet starting, families together, perhaps some hangover recovery. I always end an old and begin a new year with a feeling of hope, excitement and a series of “what ifs” flicking through my mind.

But this year is.. different.

I have changed so much so quickly in such a short amount of time, and most days and most moments I am exhilarated, happy, hopeful, excited for the future. Amazing what ending a toxic relationship can do for a person, even more fascinating to me is the change a person can undergo while healing the trauma. I am trying to figure out what self-love is. What does one do to love oneself? What does that mean exactly? Anyways, I am getting off topic.

I am sad, man.

It started right before Christmas and I can’t shake it. I like feeling happy, I like feeling hopeful, I like feeling I am healing, progressing, manifesting a bright and abundant future. I like not crying for no reason lol. I like the fluttering in my heart and finding the joy in the little things.

I am sad. I tear up for no reason. I turn my face from the kids so they can’t see the tears streaking down my cheeks. I am just so sad. I am trying to do what my spiritual coach taught me when unwanted memories come to mind, and after a week of this I am already exhausted. So much to work through so I can heal properly and in a healthy way.

On December 16th in a meditation I received the color orange.

Yesterday, on the drive to pick my kids up from their weekend with their dad, I was inundated with orange.

I was on I-79, prayingmeditatingspeakinginquiring on all of these things I am feeling, trying to really figure out why I am feeling this way but also trying to NOT feel this way. I want bliss, not tears.

ORANGE.

That single word given to me. Orange. Ok, I just read up on orange a couple weeks ago. Something about an Angel. I need to look this up again, read what I wrote after that meditation.

I look to the right, an orange gate is standing in the middle of nothing. Well that is weird.

I look to the left, my eyes drawn and there is an overturned orange cone lying in the median. Well, it is I-79, always a place of long dragged out construction.

I am pulled to look right again, one orange pole in the ground with a line yellow ones running on either side of it.

I keep driving, curious at all this.. orange.

I glance at the time, making sure I am on track to get to the meeting place in time. It is 2:22.

Ok, ok, something definitely going on

I am pulled to look to the right again, and amidst every bare tree on the entire 80 mile stretch of interstate I travel, there is a group of trees covered in orange leaves.

I reach my exit and up ahead of me? An enormous, all orange semi tractor trailer.

I pull into the parking lot of the gas station and there is a single orange napkin hanging out of the trash can directly in front of me. I glance at the storefront before parking and there is a large orange sign in the front window.

I spent an uneventful, lonely New Year’s Eve last night and woke up — still sad. So I sat down here and decided to really look into all this orange.

1. In Israel the color of angels is orange. When people are sitting and waiting with tears in their eyes in a moment of desperation, that is when the angels in orange appear.
2. Orange symbolizes change, growth, passion, energy, pride, connection, sacral chakra, creativity.
3. Orange symbolizes strength, courage, vibrant energy, warmth of the Sun, regenerates life, encourages growth: both physical and spiritual
4. the angel of the realm of orange light (Elianna): empowerment, confidence, the ability to heal relationships.
5. Relationships begin with loving and accepting you as you are in the moment.
6. The angel number #222- take note of what you want, where you are and how you can learn and grow
7. Trust and patience — when we encounter 222 our angels are urging us to maintain trust and patience in the process of manifesting our desires.

Admittedly, it would be much easier for an angel or a spirit guide or God himself to just float on over and sit next to me and tell me what to do and tell me it will all be ok, that it will be great even, that more than I can hope for or imagine will be mine. That I will love myself eventually, for the first time in my life. That I will be truly loved. That I will truly love. Or.. whatever the message is.

But for now, I’ll take orange. I’ll take it all.

I wish each of you, my tiny group of followers and readers, an abundant, loving, light filled 2024. (insert orange heart here)