Thoughts on Cursed Child

The Primary Non Spoiler Bit — I think this book should not have been published. I think that publishing the rehearsal script was lazy and a bad idea. The story should have instead been fleshed out by JK Rowling as a novella or novel. This story told in JK’s narrative voice could have greatly improved the other weaknesses in the plot and characters. I also believe that the characters are much easier to flesh out as novelizations, not lines and direction.

As many of you have heard, this reads like fan fiction. It is…fine for fan fiction. But it cannot be considered cannon and needs to be put in a box away from her because it is not her words.

Spoilery bits — These are my notes fleshed out after (unlike cursed child which was just the notes). Here are my problems with cursed child.
1. Parents can’t just pop into Hogwarts. Harry and Hermione just show up at Hogwarts randomly. What is happening…why?

2. Students can’t just leave to go to the ministry. Scorpius in the Volde-world just leaves to talk to his dad…why would Umbridge allow that?

3. The Trolley Witch….. is BAE I have no issue. JK Trolley Witch is stupid and comes out of no where but like…I kinda love her

4. We know time turners can be unpredictable and in Cursed Child they never are off. Hermione is off when she uses the timer turner in PoA but when these kids use it we are within a 5 minute window everytime?

5. Plot is developed with doors conveniently being left open literally. “Bathilda Bagshot never locks her doors lol” WHAT? WHEN DARK WIZARD IS AT LARGE. not that locks would keep him out but like….NO

6. That awkward Draco hug on page 274…so voldemort wasn’t the reason the DH2 movie hug was weird…interesting.

7. That page 230 awkwardly phrased prophesy — WAS SO AWKWARD like it rhymed and then Thorne suddenly realized he didn’t write everything he needed to so he added another line.

8. I love you specifically doesn’t seem like a lesson Harry needs to learn. He was generally adored by the wizarding world and that didn’t keep him alive. being loved specifically by Lily is what saved his life and the world. The specific lack of love for him and the adoration of Dudley at Privet Drive is why his childhood was so miserable. He wouldn’t need to learn how to love better. If he did he wouldn’t have won the Battle of Hogwarts.

9. Doesn’t polyjuice take five ever to brew why would you suggest it and why wasn’t the counter point ain’t nobody got time for dat. I mean they didn’t brew it but seriously…

10. “I didn’t think I’d be bossed around by Hermione Granger and like it so much” — paraphrased from page 286 proof that Thorne ships Dramione

11. Bellatrix wasn’t a woman who just gave birth at the battle. Shouldn’t she have been on bedrest instead of killing Dobby by this timeline. So like either the whole pregnancy is bs or the timeline Delphi is in has Bellatrix birthing a baby and so Dobby lives.

12. This reliving James/Lily’s death is so unneeded. We have seen this scene why the hell is it part of the ending to this play.

13. I kinda like Scorpius/Rose but like…Albus. As SarahSnitch says in her video review (below) this was a magically opportunity to have a cannon homosexual couple. Rose and Scorpius do have that banter-y Lily/James relationship that I really love. The stuff about her melting to him is super duper cute. BUT SCORPIUS/ALBUS ARE IN LOVE

14. Harry dislikes pigeons. He’s so quirky lmao. He’s like-able now. Theres a bit of humor in this script. We can forgive everything he has done now.

15. The ending scene teaches us- Harry will be a good dad to Albus now….but fuck those other two kids. I mean Lily disappeared in the beginning of Act One when she ran after the train and never exited.

(In the spirit of the Cursed Child script this write up has not been proof read so excuse my typos).