Muse

Thank you. You taught me so much. I’m grateful for that. Even though I can’t see you any more, I can feel your presence. Many things remind me of you, and I smile. You pushed me to be better; to always look ahead, but to always remember where I started from. I have passion because of you. I learned to live because of you. I changed my life from one little promise we made each other. I will never forget all the talks we had. You taught me so much growing up. You taught me about sports, music, and how to rub some dirt on it. You showed me that it’s okay to be myself. I was and am still jealous of you. You made everything look so easy. You never really had to study or practice. Everything came so natural to you. You had two kids and fatherhood was like second nature for you.

I hated you for a while. That was stupid, because I wasted time being upset about something that I could not control. People always say you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. That statement is so true. I cry and yell at the sky. Do you see me? Are you shining down on us at night? I hope you are proud of me. Life is one crazy, rough ride. I take the good with the bad. I’m trying to enjoy and not give up the fight. I owe you that. I feel like you laugh at the dumb stuff that I do. There are so many things I wished I would have said to you. Taken five more minutes to listen. Yea, let’s play one more game. Maybe in the future, when we see each other again.

Will I recognize you after so many years of being apart? Will you have changed and moved on? It’s my biggest fear that I’ll show up, and everything I did will not matter. What If he doesn’t let me in? I will press my nose up to the glass and watch you walk by. Are you aging or does time stand still? Don’t tell me to wait and everything will be fine. Don’t tell me things happen for a reason. You’re missing so much here on earth. Are you watching this ridiculous game? Damn, I wonder who you are cheering on? The home team or the opponent. Please don’t tell me how the story ends. I like mystery stories, and it seems like this one is getting interesting. The author finally decided to do something with her story. You are her muse.

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