What have you done for me lately, Mr. Horrified Republican guy?
Whoops, I almost forgot to insert apology:
Ok. I am pretty seriously jet-lagged and writing is NOT how I make a living. But in an attempt to get this off my chest and fall asleep at some point before the night-lights of Singapore blend into the sunrise, I write.
And, wink wink — I’m caveating all the reasons why what you are about to read really isn’t very good or important. Men, this should certainly feel familiar, make you feel comfortable and in charge to decide if this indeed worthy or not. Apologies, check. Here you go.
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The Republican Men of the party have had it. They are Disgusted. Dumfounded. Shocked. Their fingers are wagging and their heads are shaking in fury and rage.
Hmmm. Let’s follow this story out.
There is woman is in Texas or Arizona or Mississippi or name that state, pregnant, trying to get an abortion because she was ‘grabbed by the pussy’ and ‘moved on like a bitch’’.
But she can’t. Why ?
Because the men who are so outraged by Trump’s words and actions, have made illegal the very act of seeking medical help and healing from the effect of the exact words they are standing in front of the bright lights dismissing with outrage.
Put simpler — remember, I’m not very good at this, the men horrified by Trump’s words, have done and will do nothing to help the women who are affected by them.
The men who are now DONE with Trump, have watched and heard of his aggressions towards women for months and years.
Why are they all up in arms now?
I have followed dozens of stories out from the Feed from women and men I respect with barnacle like attachment and reverence — furious, offended and chokingly shocked by the recently discovered indiscretions.
It is all hideous, at best.
But truth told, I have had a hard time feeling all that fury in my blood and bones. Duh, this is atrocious. Duh, he should not be President. Duh, the man is a narcissistic, misogynistic, racist son-of-a-bitch.
We’ve watched him gratuitously eat sugar all-day, everyday, and are now standing in aghast when it is revealed he has a cavity. The world needs a lot of people to scream and shout and destroy this disgusting man. I’m generally one of them.
Today I offer a different anger.
I am less concerned with Trump at this moment. Having spent 2 decades as an adult female, feeling intimately and professionally the effects of misogynistic micro-aggressions and rape-culture, I kinda can’t take seriously all the hyperbolic stuff. My grandmother tried to teach me at a young age to ignore the taunting, not give it/them the dignity of attention. (Gratefully, I was also not taught that a guy making fun of you is the greatest form of flattery. Bless you Isabel Smith).
The hyperbolic stuff is the for-show-part. He is the shock guy. The guy with a dirty mouth and dirty hands. No thinking person in this election has rationally considered him. He is a pumped of version of what he thinks manhood and power is, an inflated mascot of it all and now, about to become a piñata. We don’t take him seriously, we tolerate him. He represents the worst of this country and humanity. I know the right wing talk radio exists — but I can’t listen to it. It distracts me. Pulls my power from the daily tasks at hand. I know it is there, like black holes. It is scary and if I get too close I’ll never return. If caught in conversation with Glen Beck, I’d probably have a great time asking him questions about how he sleeps at night, like the good anthropologist I am, just curious, but I am certainly not going to write him letters.
I actually find this last discovery fairly laughable. It has lent itself to such wry fun — — “grab your own pussy” graffiti in NY, images of Trump female family members protecting themselves like soccer players, the Daily News covers (please publish all the back-ups), asking Gary Johnson if he knows where the pussy is — — the only way I can respond to the absurd and still wake up and talk to strangers everyday, which is one of my greatest joys, is if I respond to the absurd, and over the top, with humor and a very true blue, philosophical punk middle finger in the air.
BUT — I’ll tell you whom I do take seriously. All these republican men coming out in disgust.
The republican men who vote anti-women everyday, who now believe they have the ‘right’ to be pissed for women everywhere — this infuriates me.
You don’t get to stand up for me now, when you never have before. You are standing up for decorum, for the right to the privacy of male banter, not for women’s rights, respect or rule. You do not get to say one thing in front of cameras and vote entirely, your entire career, for the opposite agenda on the congressional floor.
And, I ask again, WHY NOW? There have been a number of equally nasty things that have come out of Trump’s mouth and ON RECORD.
I have to wonder if they are pissed cause the cat is out of the bag. You think they haven’t heard that type of language before from their colleagues? Watched their colleagues move on some woman in that way? Done it themselves?
How many of them, drunk or not, have hit on women, married or not, at events while the wife was home? And when I say ‘hit on’, I mean everything from the coy flirting to the outright begging/forcing some woman to sleep with them. And, these women, fyi, they are generally the ones they do business with. Anyone who knows anything about date-rape culture knows it is most rampant among women who know their transgressor.
This is like a government spy getting in trouble for an operation gone awry and the government disavowing all connection. You know those conversations they have in the movies, “if this is ever found out, you are persona non-gratis and we will deny everything.” Yeah, that is pretty much what is happening.
In a darkened room or cab, or at the party or the bar, they laugh at his jokes, leer at the women and egg each other on. Or at the most sanitized version, just listen and watch it all go down without saying anything. The next morning or the next meeting, the bragging and admiring of the conqueror ensues. This is so normal, it is cliche. It actually feels boring to write it is so standard.
But uh-oh, the dirty, little, nasty truth has been leaked, in fact Trump and Billy f’ing Bush have been made. Cue the lights, cameras, and script for the occasion. A whole calvary of straight, white, republican, married men are coming out on stage to publicly shame the behavior.
The fraternal coterie of men of power have no choice but to get offended on camera, it is what they have been taught to do. The moment you risk being made, disavow and maintain a moral high ground opposite of the action. Distance yourself from the actions you have supported with silence.
He is persona non-gratis.They are not involved.This behavior is atrocious. They condemn. (AKA, I swear I never do this).
It’s just a thought — but it feels to me a bit like the police force coming out in horror at the press conference of a brutal killing, even though they have shown up at the address time again for all the domestic violence calls and done nothing to remover the offender.
Canadian writer, Kelly Oxford, posted on Twitter asking women to tell her the first time they were sexually assaulted. The question was not, if you have been sexually assaulted, it was when was the FIRST time. Last I read, the responses are in the millions.
Donald Trump is a nightmare. He is the mascot for so many wretched actions and behaviors. The fallout of all this is not his candidacy — it is still the women sitting in the abortion clinics, desperately trying to forget and get healthy. They are always the ones that suffer. When Trump loses, we have NOT solved the problem.
Here is my late night recommendation to the furious men in my life whom I love and respects dearly — Recalibrate the Lens. When you are with your crew hanging, what language do you tolerate? When you are in group meetings, try this: instead of waiting for women to lean in and demand air space, lean back. Stop talking. Give them space, because I can assure you they have spent their life reading your signs to know whether it is appropriate or not, (safe or not) to say what they feel and think. Just trust me on this. Whether they know it or not. It’s true. Find people in your life to champion who may have not had all the benefits you have — and do so with humility and vigor. Watch your behavior, try to notice where the power is in the conversations. What does it look like and who is benefitting?
Looks like I get all preachy when I am tired. Meanwhile, I am going to continue to laugh at, my friend Ricky’s, funny pussy memes, continue to talk with Planned Parenthood about an upcoming project and throw the limited amount of energy and attention I have into admiring and learning from a woman who has been dealing and deflecting of every flavor of insult for the past 50 years.
And now I am exhausted, so I say good night at 5:30am.
See you at the debate.