Face Masks That Will Soothe Your Soul, Cure Your Pain & Make You the Woman the Lord Intended You

Megan Sweet
3 min readAug 18, 2019


Never let yourself underestimate the power of a face mask. When I put one on at the end of a long day I fully expect it to change my life entirely. AND IT DOES. Briefly. It’s like a DIY spa day! Except it’s actually 9PM, I’m eating handfuls of dry cereal because I haven’t been to the grocery store in weeks, and I’m watching old episodes of Grey’s Anatomy just feel something again. But for those wonderful 15 minutes of heaven where I keep accidentally touching my face, I forget all of my existing problems. Here are a few face masks that will make you feel temporarily invincible.

Cooling Cucumber Peel-off Mask

I’ve never felt God more than when I peeled this mask off my face. After you apply this mask let it dry and as you peel it off all the regrets and shame you’ve ever felt will wistfully peel away as well. The combination of cucumber and aloe vera reduce redness (were you crying earlier?) and soothe your skin with a cooling sensation. This mask is ice cold, just like your heart!

Pore Refining Acne Fighting Mask

Face it. Your acne isn’t going anywhere. The week before my period I get the same hormonal chin acne I’ve had since I was thirteen and it makes me low-key homicidal. I put this magic gunk all over my problem areas (so everywhere) and leave it on for way too long because I totally forget it’s on my face. Then when I go to reply to someone’s snapchat, I scare myself with my front facing camera. Anyway, this mask will help you become more in sync with your body’s monthly celebration!

Skin Brightening Papaya Mask

Depression who?! Throw away your seasonal affective disorder light because this face mask will not only brighten your face, but your mental health as well! Get ready to see the world in a brand new light. If you’re lucky, you might even forget who the president is for a few minutes! Don’t worry if this mask turns your face orange temporarily after you rinse it off. That just means it’s working.

Purifying Avocado & Oatmeal Clay Mask

Before you go spiraling with anxiety about having an allergic reaction to this mask please know that the burning feeling is totally normal. The avocado nourishes your skin leaving it soft and pure. In fact, you feel pure as hell. Suddenly you’re over your ex. You are confident and worthy of love. You can accomplish anything! But make sure you stay grounded, and don’t try to rinse it off in the sink like Kristen Bell does in the commercials. Unless you want puddles of water all over the bathroom floor.

Pink Grapefruit Exfoliating Mask

This mask smells good enough to eat! But don’t do it, trust me. While this mask seeps into your pores it’s a perfect time to reflect on your unhealthy habits. Do a squat or two. Sign up for a gym that you’ll never go to. Make some herbal tea and then forget about it until it gets too cold to drink. Write a meal plan that is impossible to follow. Google your birth chart and meditate peacefully based on your weekly horoscope predictions. Let the micro-beads on your face guide you to embark on a lifestyle change that will last a total of 5 days!



Megan Sweet

sometimes I write funny essays about my life - chaotically scorpio - chronically tired - @megansweet57 - megansweetcomedy.com