Each time it starts with me telling you that I am stronger now, I am courageous and you can’t hurt me ever again. It drags me down so fast that it happens in the blink of an eye, and I crumble it up. Instead writing a letter of suicide. Each time it starts with me telling you that you broke me, are you happy now? And I crumble it up because I choose life.
I am in awe, seriously, my mouth is gapped open.
Krystal Ocean-Patch
103

Dear Krystal Ocean-Patch , My hand to you across the void. I know you’ve been reading some of my pieces, so you know I often write in the “unsent letter” format.

I can tell you these letters are real work to write. I am often trembling and weeping when I write them. But, for me, writing as a direct address to another, saying my truth to them, even if the letter will remain unsent, is more powerful than writing the same thing as a straight-up story.

My process is that I write stream-of-consciousness-style on paper from a starter thought. That gets it out there. Then I work over what poured out to turn it into art (whatever that means). So a sceond processing happens as I revisit each line microscopically, choosing just the right word, stripping out whatever feels extraneous to the thrust of the story. And this helps me integrate even more fully.

It has also been extremely powerful for me to press “publish.” It’s sending truth to the universe rather than having a direct confrontation that would probably just pull me back into the muck.

H. Nemesis Nyx is absolutely right, it is processing and healing, though I never knew why till she told us.

Love to you, Meg

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